Dear Cole's hands

This is an open letter to Cole's hands.

Dear sirs:

As the mother and creator of you, I feel it is my right to lay out my rule. Here it is:
STAY AWAY FROM MY SON'S EYES WHILE HE IS SLEEPING.
I am getting really tired of you waking Cole up when he is in a deep sleep. This is really my only rule, because it is really my only qualm with you. I have waited 4 months for you to get control of yourselves, but for some reason, you still do whatever the hell you feel like doing. What I don't understand is why you feel it is necessary to push yourselves directly into my son's sleeping eyes when they are calm and resting. Why must you force them open by constantly rubbing them? Do you think that's fair to Cole? I know he would love to stay asleep, and I would love for him to stay asleep, especially when he's not feeling well. So why do you keep being so persistent in waking him up? Are you that bored? Do you need a playmate? You have each other! You can play with each other down by his lap or his thighs or up past his head - where you belong! NOT on his face and especially NOT near his eyes!
If you do not follow my rule, I will be forced to deal the consequences. Right now, you are subdued by a swaddling blanket that you usually find your way out of. But no more. If I get my hands on a size medium Sleep Sack, that velcro will be the end of you. Do you really want that? Do you want to be in what amounts to a sleeping strait jacket? I didn't think so. Please abide by my rule and you can remain as free as you are now.
Sincerely,
Mama
P.S. What is with you rubbing the side of his head recently? You make it red and irritated and it still wakes him up.  Do you really have no morals at all? What kind of hands are you, anyway?