Saturday, July 27, 2013

And then we camped...

We have gone on two camping trips so far this year and if I wait until I have time to sit in front of the computer to upload the (real) camera pics to my blog, I'll never write about them. 

The first trip we took was to Lake Taghkanic State Park with Allishawn and Juni. I don't think I need to tell you that Cole had a blast.  I will post those pics and a little about that trip soon I promise. In the meantime I will tell you about our trip last week that we took to Mongaup Pond. It.  Was. Amazing. So beautiful and peaceful we didn't want to leave. A pond that looks more like a lake. A waterfront site. Total quiet at night. The only drawback? Because we were in the Catskills, the 60 degree overnight temp for everyone else in the Hudson Valley was really in the low 50s in Western Sullivan County where the campground was located. We were not prepared and Bevin's all night buffet had me freezing and mostly awake the entire night. Otherwise we had a really good time and we didn't even do much! This is definitely a place we will return to for future camping trips. 

Sunset over the pond...

Cole points to some ducks...


These ducks returned to our site multiple times looking for hand outs....


Cloud porn...

Not a bad view...

Bevin really digs camping...


Enjoying the early evening air...

Cole is very serious about his marshmallow roasting...

My new all time favorite beer...


This is what happens when you forget to pack warm clothes...

Because how can I post about our getaway without posting at least one pic of Mama?...


Cole is also very serious about his cereal. It's a morning routine he does not like to deviate from...

Always a happy camper, even when it's cold. She's probably yelling "Aaaaaa"


He looks peaceful, but he's actually yelling at the ducks or at fishermen. I hadn't finished my morning tea by that point so I can't remember...

"Just a yittle more daddy. Just a yittle more!" Always the helper. 

When we got home Cole proved how exhausting (yet exhilarating) it all was. 

And that was only two nights! Our next adventure is 4 nights. It will be tiring but it shall be fun. I declare. Getaway number 3 is to the beach. Can't wait!!










Monday, July 22, 2013

Not good enough

Lately I have been feeling like I don't measure up. I feel like I fall short of what a good mother is. Like I am not the mother I could be or should be. I fear that I'm not balancing my mothering correctly and one of my children will inevitably get the short end of the stick.  I'm constantly comparing myself to friends and people I know online. I can frequently be heard (in my head) berating myself for being a terrible mother. I do so much for my children, yet I think to myself that I should be doing so much more. I think to myself that what I'm doing is not good enough. 

(Even when I give of myself so much, I still think to myself, that's what a mother is supposed to do.  I'm no better or different in that regard. So if you call me Supermom when I do this--> 

my inner critic won't agree.)

So, I conclude that I'm not good enough. I worry my children are not going to become better human beings than me. That they'll wind up with the same problems and issues and fears, the same anxieties and self-doubt and sadness as me. 

I wish I was more sure of myself and my abilities. I wish I had an inner life that was more positive, loving and more supportive. I wish I had been exposed to positive mothering as a child. Because all I know is a mother who wasn't there. All I know is a mother who is a selfish person and whose only redeeming qualities was giving me life and giving me to my father. To this day in my 36th year, she has not changed. I wish I could have witnessed a mother who loved unconditionally, a mother who had her shortcomings and did not berate herself about those constantly. A mother who was present in every sense of the word. But I did not. And as much as I have come to accept that, I am still clearly saddened by it. 

So I turn to my husband because I know he had that growing up. His mother's love and support made him the confident person he is today. I look to him,and the inner life he seems to have, as a model, a blueprint of the inner life I would like to have. When he does something wrong, he doesn't dislike himself for it. He doesn't dwell on the past. He looks for new beginnings and the chance to start over the next day or the next moment. He doesn't dwell on what isn't or wasn't. He doesn't harp on what should be or should have been. He accepts things and people for what they are. He doesn't expect change and isn't disappointed easily. Most importantly he loves himself for all that he is. 

I love him for all that he is and for the way he is able to help me see the light just as I am headed for the dark. 

And I love his mother for knowing we desperately needed some time to be alone as a couple and giving it to us without us even having to ask. 






Tuesday, July 16, 2013

Monday, July 15, 2013

Potty Learning: Cole's Success Story

I'm no longer crazy about the word "train" as it implies I trained Cole to use the toilet like a drill sergeant or something, when in actuality, I pushed him to learn to listen to his body. To train someone means to me that I did most of the work, when in actuality, a lot of work fell on Cole as well. So we'll call this "potty learning" (not a term I made up).

Dear readers, I am so proud of him with all of the strides he has made to becoming completely diaper free. Here's his success story.

It was a Friday in late April. I had just removed Cole's poopy diaper and cleaned him with wipes. Bevin was in the bouncy seat in his room. I needed to wash my hands. But I couldn't leave Bevin alone with Cole while I ran to the bathroom to thoroughly clean my hands. What was I to do? Pick her up with my possibly dirty hands? Leave her alone with her big brother? I chose the former. And as I was doing it I said to myself, Never will I be in this situation again. Because he is going to learn. I said out loud to him - "You're going diaper free from now on."

Of course, he wasn't thrilled. But when I offered him the incentives, he readily agreed to try it out.

Obviously, this wasn't our first go at it. We had been attempting to help him learn how to use the toilet since he started to express interest before he was even 18 months old. But nothing had ever stuck. There was even a season that went by where he absolutely refused to step foot in the bathroom except for baths. But lately, we had both become exasperated at changing his diapers and that of a newborn's. The two were in stark contrast with each other and it became evident that changes needed to be made. But who has the energy for that with a newborn in the house? So I gave it time. I said to myself, he'll use the toilet when he's ready. But the problem was that his body and mind was ready, but his little heart just didn't want to it. He wasn't into it. He'd rather busily play and poop or pee in his diaper instead of dropping everything to go to the bathroom and do his business.

When my friend and his wife decided to push their almost 2-year-old to learn the ins and outs of using the potty before their second child came (she's due to arrive sometime soon!), I decided to copy the method she was using. That Friday afternoon, I made up a chart similar to hers and gave Cole slightly different incentives. For each time he pooped, he got to write a check on the chart. He got a yogurt covered pretzel for every checkmark (I tried to make it every 3 checkmarks, but that was not good enough!) and for every 3 stickers (a sticker for each time he peed) I gave him rice crackers with sunbutter on them.  I did this mostly on the fly, although I had given it a little thought in the days prior.  I didn't let him wear pants for three days, unless we went out, but he continued to wear diapers at night.
Despite one poop accident and multiple pee accidents in the next month, he continued to thrive and eventually forgot about all incentives (although the yogurt covered pretzels stuck around for a while). He was wearing underwear within a week. We purchased an on-the-go potty with disposable liners for pooping and peeing if we're out and there is no bathroom or port-a-potty, but he was and still is mostly able to hold it, so we've only used it a handful of times in the past 3 months.

Then, a few weeks ago, the most startling thing happened. He told me he didn't want to wear a diaper to bed.  I was surprised and a little nervous, but I kept my cool and just ran with it. I told him to wake us up if he needed to go and we'd help him use his Baby Bjorn Potty in his room. He's had a few big accidents where he's soaked his sheets and blankets, a number of little ones, and he wakes up sometimes in the middle of the night crying because he has to go, but there are also lots of nights when he's dry (please Internet don't strike me down) and sleeps straight through. We gave away some of his diapers and all of his pull-ups and kept one unopened sleeve for Bevin when she gets older, since the brand we buy for him ain't cheap!

I remember when I put all of the loose diapers and pull-ups in a bag and Keith said to me, "Wait, maybe we should keep those, or bring them camping." To which I said, "Dude, there's no going back."

Here's what I love and am so proud of this kid for:
He took the ball and went with it. He ran around the house half naked for four days (our guests didn't mind and we got some funny pictures- none of which I am able to put on here sadly enough). But more than that, he learned to listen to his body. We talked to him about the difference between feeling like you have to go and actually going. We talked to him about how to detect potential bowel movements. We talked to him about staying on the toilet until he was done with his business. We talked to him about pulling his own pants down and back up and the finer points of sitting versus standing. He learned from everything we addressed and from his own experiences. He has come so far that he actually prefers to go by himself, and even tries to wipe himself. And he looks so darn cute in pants, shorts and swimshorts without diapers!

My little big boy...

Moments before he tinkled, he held himself and denied wholeheartedly, "I don't have to pee!!!" It's not a perfect system, folks, but he's getting there! (and yes, we let him choose his own clothes!)

Waiting to use the toilet at his new pre-school's open house

The weekend he started to use the toilet, we also decided it would be awesome if we could go on a hike. Fortunately, we had this portable Cars potty (after it cracked, that's when we bought the Potette)

Wednesday, July 10, 2013

Bevin's bathtime

Bevin has an awesome bathtub that I bought from Waddle n Swaddle, a local nursing and maternity boutique. 
I got rid of the bath we used for Cole mainly because he disliked baths so much in the first few months of his life. I always said to myself that I'd get a bath that better covered the baby's extremities and make the bath more pleasant. 
It's called a Spa Babe bath tub. It's essentially a bucket that is angled. 
Keith often jokes that we could have just bathed Bevin in a plaster bucket he has in our garage and saved ourselves the $39, but deep down he knows he's misguided and just being corny. 

Pros of the bath:
Bevin loves it and has never uttered a single cry (Internet will strike me down for this one I am sure)
She stays warm
She's very relaxed. 
She often spaces out and has almost fallen asleep in it on more than one occasion. 
It's transparent so she can look out of it
It doesn't waste water. 

Cons: 
When she didn't have good neck control I had to hold her head up throughout the entire bath. 
Once she could control her neck I still had to hold her up to some degree,u especially if she stuck her feet up and started to slip. 
The stick pad that comes with it often gets bunched up underneath her (rendering it useless).
It took me 5 months to feel it was safe to take her picture during her bath. 






 


 



 


 

Monday, July 8, 2013

Seven

Today we celebrated 7 years of marriage. 
It's not hard to believe that seven years have passed, but it is hard to believe how far we've come- that we have two kids and jobs we actually enjoy. That we still love each other, can still make each other laugh, still tease each other, despite the challenges we've faced together. Today was a pretty amazing day. We worked as a team to prep for our camping trip and get other things done on our long list of to-dos. We decided to forego a celebratory lunch at a local eatery in favor of lunch at home with two dips in the pool. (The kids celebrated our anniversary at day care:) Then we had a quick breakfast for dinner and Keith was off to work. 
Cole tried to help me pack by leaving the house and going into the garage and placing a shoebox of toys in there. I nearly had a heart attack when I heard the door open! 


I got both kids to bed by 7 and managed to get some more packing done (but not before nearly breaking my knee cap on a toy matchbox Jeep. Ooouch!!) 


 

Now I'm in bed with Bevin (because of course she woke up while I was dancing around the house trying to get everything ready) and am writing this post so I can wish my amazing husband a happy anniversary and share with you my favorite picture from our wedding. We had our photojournalist friend (we know quite a few of those) shoot our wedding and he took some amazing candid shots.  This one was my favorite because it shows our love for each other as well as Keith's love for photography. Even at his own wedding, he was taking pictures.  What's even more interesting is that my second favorite shot from the wedding was taken with the camera in question by a friend of ours. It's a black and white of us kissing.  It's a film photograph of course so you'll just have to imagine it. 



 




 


 

Parenting of Two. Volume 3. Sleep

This is the third post in a series about the struggles we as a couple face parenting two children. The issues and topics can also be applied to parents of one child, but the struggles just become amplified when you have two. (We compare parenting one child to the calm before the storm. Because parenting two children often feels chaotic and scary. ) As parents we have so many struggles both internally and externally, and we thought it valuable to share them. Each post in the series will revolve around a single issue or topic, which I will talk about in the various contexts of our family life. First topic was on Time. The last topic was on Space. Today I will discuss Sleep. Next topic will be on Routines.

Sleep. What a loaded topic, right? I mean, who actually gets sleep nowadays? People with no little kids running around? Probably, but not always likely. Because even those people have their worries keeping them awake, if not a baby wanting to nurse or a toddler crying because he's just had a nightmare he can't even remember.

Around here, our sleep as parents is always changing. Sometimes we get a good amount, sometimes a terrible amount. A lot of it has to to do with several things:
1) what time the little ones go to sleep
2) what time we go to sleep
3) what time the little ones wake us up in the morning
and the variable of
4) how many times we get woken up throughout the night.

Because I nurse Bevin in our bed at night, I'm the one typically waking up to feed her and change her diaper. Usually, halfway through the night I'm waking Keith up to comfort her while I use the bathroom. And closer to the morning, I'm also waking him up to soothe her while I try to rest for a few minutes of baby free time. Both of these things does not happen every day so Keith can end up getting more sleep than me and I am quick to remind him of that when I wake up groggy and cranky.


This is an occurrence that usually happens on weekend nights. Keith can fall asleep instantaneously. (I wish I had that problem.)




I remember all too well when we were both waking up in the middle of the night every hour and a half to three hours for 12 months straight. It was a difficult time, to say the least. I went back to work when Cole was 3 months old, so each night consisted of us taking turns getting up and either feeding or consoling him back to sleep. The bickering, blaming and criticizing weighed a lot on our marriage. We'd talk about our night later on and forget half the things we said. It was a tough time.  But we got through it. And with the exception of some challenging periods (that are still occuring thanks to potty learning), Cole has been a much better sleeper. Recently, he's been waking because he has to pee, or he's had a bad dream, or he's wet from peeing in his sleep, and the responsibility has fallen on Keith to take care of Cole. Luckily, Keith has no problem falling back to sleep.




This little one sleeps some long stretches, and I nurse her on demand throughout the night, but that also takes its toll on me. If you're a nursing mother, you know that sometimes you end up waking up even when the baby is still sleeping. I'm a light sleeper so it tends to happen more often than not. And she's guaranteed to wake up between 3 and 5 for at least a little while, smiling away. Who can say no to this smile?



Oh no wait... this smile...

Wait, that's not the smile I meant either...Here's a cute one...


(Obviously nothing is quite like the one I published two weeks ago.)

The other thing that troubles me is getting to sleep at night. Once Bevin and I wait for Cole to fall asleep, we quickly start our nighttime routine. Only problem is that sometimes it's early - around 8 p.m. Now I know during the school year this will not be a problem for me as I need to wake up at 4:30 a.m. anyway, so I'll be dog tired by 8 p.m. and will need to sleep at that time in order to function the next day, but what about down time for Mama? What about reading a little? Or straigtening up the house? Or eating a snack? Problem is, I can't leave the bed for too long without her realizing I'm gone and whipping her neck back and forth wondering where I went. On the other hand, I'm tired, why not just fall asleep if I can? This is often my conflict. And I suppose there could be bigger things that I could be conflicted about, but it's one I think about anyway.

Then there's the issue of naps. Cole doesn't nap unless he's in a moving vehicle and on the rare occasion that he does nap in our house, it is almost never duplicated the next day.

These are typical Cole nap snap shots...



Bevin naps in carriers (like the Ergo and Boba) all day long. I'm sure she'd nap just fine in our bed, but we'd have to be sleeping with her to make it a nap that's worthwhile, and that's just not possible with another kid running around the house.

So, to keep ourselves afloat and active, Keith and I run on caffeine during the day, usually going for our second (or third) cup of tea or coffee around 1 or 2 p.m.  Keith says that just when he thinks he has no endurance left, he gets through another day and begins a new one. That's how it is sometimes. You're so tired from not enough sleep, running around after the 3-year-old, doing chores, holding the 5-month old, going shopping or whatever, that you think to yourself - how can I go on another hour? How can I last until bathtime? And you just do.

I remember at Bevin's 2-month visit, talking about having two kids with the family doctor. And I expressed my guilt at the fact that bathtime and the inevitable bedtime that followed couldn't come fast enough some nights. And this guy? He couldn't agree more. Told me he used to count down the hours too. That's when he could finally sit and read the newspaper. I didn't feel so bad after all. When they're asleep, I can actually breathe and reflect on my day, on my mistakes, my victories. I can recharge and pick up and do it all over again the next day.

I'm curious...what sleep issues do you have in your family? And how do you deal with them?











Wednesday, July 3, 2013

Currently we couldn't help ourselves


Mama is...
Loving our new (to us) GMC Yukon. I know. I know. It's a freaking American made monster, and it's one of those vehicles we used to balk at, but it's going to tow our pop up camper much more safely than our CRV would. With the V we could only drive 50 miles per hour, which basically means we can only camp - at the most -an hour away, since we can't safely drive on an Interstate at that speed, not to mention the wear on the transmission. We've decided we are not only going to go on our already planned camping trips to nearby state parks, but  we are also going to go to... wait for it...The beach!! Yes! We are going to step foot in the ocean this summer with our soon to be 6 month old and 3-year-old no matter how miserable we are on the ride there. The good news is that the truck  is VERY roomy and I can sit in the second row (I say second because there is a third row!!) between the two car seats (something I can't do in the V) and attempt to calm Bevin so we don't end up pulling our hair out by the time we get to Rhode Island. 

Craving food that is bad for me. I recently had an IBS episode because I'd eaten so much fatty and junk foods that my intestines were like: NO MORE! Sunday night I felt so lousy I didn't even eat dinner, which is unheard of for me. Trying not to eat out and if we eat out I eat a low-fat meal.  Of course though I'm still craving all of the food I should not, in good conscience, as I an IBS sufferer, ever allow my mouth to ingest. 

Missing my friends. However you cut it, having children makes it so much harder to talk to people on the phone. It's like I have to lock myself in my room while Keith watches the kids just so I can have a measly 20 minute  conversation with my childhood friend whose grandmother just died. And Cole is still banging on the door like nothing doing. 

Wishing we used our pool more often. When you have central air, it's easier to just stay inside when the humidity and/or sunshine bear down on our shadeless backyard. 

Listening to fireworks and praying no boom booms or pop pops wake either of my children up. I'd like to say I'm listening to the last of the 17-year cicadas, but I spent the better part of today indoors cleaning, trying to organize, wearing the baby, etc.  It was the kind of morning where you look at your house and you want to organize and put away everything in sight but you have no idea where to begin. 

Wear 'em Wednesday: A sleeping babe



Tuesday, July 2, 2013