Not Your Average Ferris Wheel: Our First Year in Sleeping: Bedding Close to Baby

The following is the fourth in a series of posts about our first year as new parents. I am writing through the lens of the Seven Baby B's of Attachment Parenting, by Dr. Sears.

This is what Dr. Sears has to say about sleeping near your baby...

Wherever all family members get the best night's sleep is the right arrangement for your individual family. Co-sleeping co-sleeping adds a nighttime touch that helps busy daytime parents reconnect with their infant at night. Since nighttime is scary time for little people, sleeping within close touching and nursing distance minimizes nighttime separation anxiety and helps baby learn that sleep is a pleasant state to enter and a fearless state to remain in.

I didn't worry much about sleep when I was pregnant, because, well, I was on bed rest. I did suffer from pregnancy insomnia, which sucked balls. Thankfully I complained about it in my blog and that made me feel better. I also made up for it by taking naps throughout the day (which I can only dream about now). While I was pregnant I researched the shit out of co-sleepers and cribs. Finally, I decided on the Arms Reach Mini Co-Sleeper and the Graco Lauren crib. My plan (because there is always a plan you think you're going to follow exactly) was to have Cole sleep in the co-sleeper until he was a few months old and then move him to the crib. I was kind of fuzzy on when we'd move him. I just figured I'd know when he was ready. I wanted him in the co-sleeper, because as Dr. Sears suggested he'd be within "arms reach" of me when I nursed him at night. I knew plenty of other people who used co-sleepers successfully. However, those plenty of other people did not have my baby.

When Cole was born, the co-sleeper seemed like a gigantic crib compared to my itty bitty baby. We'd wrap him up like a burrito and yes, I admit, just expect him to fall asleep on his own. Which, of course, he didn't. What really happened was this: he'd fall asleep while nursing and then we'd ever so delicately move him back into the co-sleeper. Sometimes he'd wake up and scream like it was a 5-alarm fire. Other times he'd continue to snooze. Eventually though he stopped liking this transfer and would fight us tooth and nail. So finally, we just let him sleep with us. And when we did, we all slept better. At first.

After a month or so of this, our bed began to disagree. It wasn't falling apart or anything it was just, after all, a full size bed. So we bought a Queen size bed with an amazing mattress. I wrote about in a post last summer. When we all had enough room to sleep, we all slept better. It was nice. For a little while. I enjoyed snuggling with my little baby, and he liked being near us both. However, co-sleeping was not something we wanted to do for the long haul. Why? Because I stopped being able to sleep. Cole always wanted to nurse, and it seemed like every time I so much as moved in bed (I'm a tosser and a turner) he'd wake up and want to nurse. And when Cole didn't get what he wanted, he'd wake Keith up too. So I started to get less and less sleep. There would be mornings when I'd wake up and feel like I barely slept, but I couldn't quite remember when I'd woken up. Finally, we started to put him to sleep in the co-sleeper without nursing him to sleep and without rocking him. That would take upwards of an hour. And Keith was usually the best at it because, as we discovered through a series of tests, Cole screamed louder when it was me hovering over the co-sleeper whispering sweet nothings and gently touching him.When it was Keith, he'd calm down much more quickly. We placed the co-sleeper at the foot of the bed and raised the bar so it was a free-standing bassinet. But, it didn't last long because once he started to roll around and sit up, we knew we had to make a change. Having him in there was just too dangerous. We also were hoping that once we moved him into the crib and his own room, he wouldn't be able to "smell" me as the doctor had suggested. We thought maybe, by some miracle, he'd sleep longer. Our doctor couldn't have been more wrong. As I've said before in this blog, Cole is just wired to wake up every few hours, so he continued to wake up just as often in his crib as he did when he was in our bed.

It has been hard trudging out of bed to Cole's nursery every few hours for the past 7 months. Thankfully, he's only on the other side of our bedroom closets. The nights I've taken Cole into bed with us have been (mostly) sweet. I love having him close to me. Sometimes when he's in his own room, in his own bed, I have this irrational fear that some catastrophe is going to happen outside and I won't be near my baby when I should be. But it is becoming more and more difficult to get Cole to actually sleep when he's in our bed, so we have been trying to avoid it. I give in more than Keith (who always says an emphatic "No!" whenever I suggest it). I give in especially when Cole is sick.

In retrospect, the co-sleeper was not really necessary, although I don't regret it. I wish I had thought more about where and how my baby would sleep before I had him. But even if I'd done a ton of research and read all the books, nothing would have prepared me for the nights during his first year. Each and every night was different in its own way. Sometimes I wouldn't mind getting up out of bed to nurse him. I would hold him in my arms and look at him lovingly. Other times I regretted our decision to move him into his own room, and, as I would doze off in the most uncomfortable glider known to man, I would think to myself, I could be sleeping right now! Why are we not co-sleeping??? Other times, I wished we could just put a twin-size bed in there with him so we could get some sleep. There have been times I've been so tired that I've considered just passing out on the floor. But each time, I finish nursing him or rocking him, place him ever so gently into the crib, tip-toe out and go back to my bed where I can actually sleep deeply. And THAT is a nice feeling, even if it IS only for a few hours.

Below are some pictures from this blog and even a treat from my pregnancy blog at the bottom!