Our First Year in Parenting Advice: Beware of Baby Trainers

The following is the final post in a series of posts about our first year as new parents. I am writing through the lens of the Seven Baby B's of Attachment Parenting, by Dr. Sears. 


This is what Dr. Sears has to say about baby trainers:

Attachment parenting teaches you how to be discerning of advice, especially those rigid and extreme parenting styles that teach you to watch a clock or a schedule instead of your baby; you know, the cry-it-out crowd. This "convenience" parenting is a short-term gain, but a long-term loss, and is not a wise investment. These more restrained styles of parenting create a distance between you and your baby and keep you from becoming an expert in your child.

There is so much to be said about this topic, namely because, since re-entering the workforce, I have been assaulted with advice from baby trainers. Fortunately, I work with a man whose wife does not want to allow their child to cry himself to sleep, so we trade horror stories of sleep deprivation and virtual all-nighters on a fairly regular basis. (Mostly, we try to one-up each other on who had the worst night. And then we laugh about it). At first, the baby trainers had a field day with this, doling out advice as if their way was the ONLY way. I knew it was well meaning, but not what I wanted to do as a parent. However, I couldn't help but think I was doing something wrong because so MANY of them had done this for their children and their children "turned out just fine." Finally, after months of this, they finally realized we weren't going to listen to them, so they stopped bothering us. But the echoes of their advice still sound in my ears, so whenever we trade stories, I can still hear them saying, "Let him cry it out!" long after they've stopped telling us how to train our babies.

Just the other day, I found myself nursing Cole at day care with another mother and her son, who is right around Cole's age. Her son is known as a champion napper. This kid sleeps 2-3 hours a pop with no problems. Nothing, save one of the teachers waking him up, can disturb this baby's solid sleep. I suspected baby training, but I couldn't be sure. So I had to ask. She said that he woke up every 2-3 hours when he was several months old and when this continued at age 4 months, she decided he needed to sleep when she slept, and fit into her schedule. So she stopped going in to get him. She said that when he realized no one was going to get him, only then did he sleep. And here is where the way I want to raise my child differs fundamentally from the baby trainers and their beliefs and expectations. I don't expect him to fit into my schedule, nor do I ever want him to think - for even a moment - that I'm not there for him.