Our First Year in Babywearing: A love/hate story

The following is the first in a series of posts about our first year as new parents. I am writing through the lens of the Seven Baby B's of Attachment Parenting, by Dr. Sears.
This is what Dr. Sears has to say about babywearing:

A baby learns a lot in the arms of a busy caregiver. Carried babies fuss less and spend more time in the state of quiet alertness, the behavior state in which babies learn most about their environment. Babywearing improves the sensitivity of the parents. Because your baby is so close to you, you get to know baby better. Closeness promotes familiarity. 

Last weekend, I was fastening Cole into the Beco Gemini for a walk around Kingston Point when Keith's friend Molly teasingly asked me, "So how many carriers do you have, Bianca?"  I couldn't even give her an accurate answer, in part because we have so many, and in part because I started to tell her the story behind each carrier, since with each carrier comes its own love/hate story. It usually went like this: I loved the carrier, but Cole hated it. Each carrier led us to the next one. And each of those stories are part of our overarching love/hate story with babywearing....

Before I gave birth to Cole I was so looking forward to becoming a babywearing mother. I had seen my friend and her husband wear their newborn, and I had read a lot about it in Dr. Sears' The Baby Book.
I thought I would make a deep connection with my baby by wearing him. I had my friend's orange Sleepy Wrap all ready. What I didn't know was that although I may have been ready and excited to wear my son, he was not ready to be worn. Thus began our love/ hate relationship with babywearing. It worked alright in the first few weeks, but he became fussier and fussier each time I would attempt to wear him (which, to me, seemed contrary to what babywearing was supposed to do for him -make him less fussy). When babywearing became a huge struggle, I remember throwing up my hands and getting frustrated at the baby, because out of all the discussion in Dr. Sears's book about the benefits of babywearing, the author NEVER mentioned what to do with a baby who fought being worn every step of the way, or how to deal with babywearing when it felt more like a battle instead of a deep connection.
It's as if Dr. Sears assumed all babies loved to be worn, or would learn to love it. But my baby was determined NOT to be worn. In retrospect, I should've listened to Cole instead of searching for the answer elsewhere. There were many times I didn't listen to him because I was either too busy trying to get him to do what I thought was good for him, or I was too busy worrying about what other people thought. And that went against the theory of attachment parenting, which was being aware of and listening to your child's emotional needs.

Once he started to become more aware of his surroundings, Cole needed two things: to not be confined and to be able to look out at the world. And the only carrier that would allow him to feel freer while also allowing him to see the world was the Baby Bjorn. But it took me two months to accept that fact of his life, and when I finally did accept it, I then had to learn to let go of the judgment many babywearing mothers reserve for mothers who use the Bjorn. I can tell you first hand how annoying it is when another mother/shop owner scoffs at the mere mention of me owning a Bjorn. However, when I realized my child was happier in the Bjorn than in any other carrier, I stopped caring what other people thought. I didn't even notice the condescending looks we apparently received at our neighbor's birthday party. A mama there was wearing the Ergo, and I remember looking her with envy, but still proudly wearing my baby in the Bjorn. That's where he was happiest - close to me while also watching the world.

What I later learned was that once Cole could see out of the other carriers we had purchased for him early on, he learned to eventually like those too. It really was a matter of honoring his preferences and not ignoring what he needed.

The following pictures are from this blog and are not in any particular order.

Cole in the Beco Butterfly. It took a lot of fussing and patting to calm the fussing before he got to this blissful state.

This Hotsling lasted for about a day. Not only did Cole not like it after the first few uses, but Mommy thought it was very uncomfortable.

This Wrapsody was the first carrier we purchased. I could only ever get him comfortable in it at the store we bought it in. It's a nice wrap, but it's too long, and too difficult to put on, especially when you have a screaming baby, which I was faced with for most of last summer.

The Baby Balboa ring sling came in handy at restaurants. Cole wasn't quite ready for the restaurant high chair, but he was tired of sitting in the car seat. So this worked quite well, when holding him was too much for my arms.

Our first time in the Beco Gemini with Cole facing me. We went on a mommy & son walk around Split Rock.

Cole's first time being worn on my back in the Butterfly.

Last summer when we took him hiking. It was an amazing thing, the hikes we went on. He'd watch the trees one minute and be fast asleep the next.

When we first got the Gemini, I remember being so happy because I felt like I had my "savior" carrier and that I would no longer have to use the Bjorn. However, Cole didn't like it too much at first because he could barely see out of it. He still preferred the Bjorn.

Later on in the fall, after a nice growth spurt, he suddenly fit in the Gemini perfectly. This was taken on a nice weekend fall hike at Mohonk

Our reintroduction to the Butterflyin January after storing it on the shelf for months.

Using the Zolowear ring sling at Mass MoCA

Daddy doing some babywearing at Kingston Point. Hiking & being worn still has the same effect on Cole, as you can see here.

Finally, the carrier that calmed Cole down the most when he was still colicky, the Baby Bjorn.