I just want to cry...wait I already have

It has happened again. I got a bulls eye rash from a phantom tick. A nice swollen ankle with the target in the middle. This lyme disease may be the end of my breastfeeding relationship with my baby.  I am devastated and angry because I had no intention - any time soon - to stop nursing. I do not want to deny my baby what he loves. And he still LOVES to nurse. But the facts are there. He is allergic to penicillin and sulfa drugs, both allergies he inherited from his father. The doctor prescribed me Ceftin, from yet another family of antibiotics. However, there is a 5% chance that people allergic to the medications I just mentioned could have a reaction to it. And we just learned about Cole's allergies in the past 4 months, so his body, according to the doctor, is primed for another allergic reaction. But I have no choice but to take the medicine.  The doctor would not offer me any advice, but he said if I wanted to keep nursing, I should keep an eye out for the rash. I started the medicine Tuesday night. No rash yet. But I believe there are reasons for that...

After talking to Keith, and consulting with my lactation fairy godmother, I have chosen to not stop breastfeeding but to significantly reduce the number of times I breastfeed him, which sucks royally. Also, when I pump, I have to dump my precious milk out. And since I can only breastfeed him 2-3 times a day, I must pump more than I used to. The reason I am doing it this way is so I limit his exposure to the medicine. It apparently has a half-life of 8-10 hours, so I don't nurse Cole until after that 10th hour. Now I know this number is just a number, but for me it's a guideline. It makes me feel better knowing that there's less of the medicine in my system when he's nursing. It's still there, but there's not as much of it. This decision is a compromise.

My only fear is that this will be the beginning of the end. Everything depends on how committed I am to continuing to pump when he doesn't nurse. If I don't, my supply will dwindle and when I stop the Ceftin (another 3 weeks), I may not have enough milk as I do now. And then we'll really be up shit's creek without a paddle.  The other problem that I'm facing in doing this - as I'm sure you already guessed- is that I am fighting a daily battle with the notorious clogged duct.

To top it all off, he's sick again with some kind of a respiratory infection. This is the time he loves to nurse, the time he needs to nurse. But I have had to deny him the boob for most of the day and he has had to settle for a mixture of cow milk and formula instead. He keeps asking to nurse, and my heart breaks each time I have to say no and offer the bottle instead.