The Parenting of Two--Volume 1: Time

This is going to be the first in a bi-weekly series about the struggles we as a couple face parenting two children. The issues and topics can also be applied to parents of one child, but the struggles just become amplified when you have two. (We compare parenting one child to the calm before the storm. Because parenting two children often feels chaotic and scary. ) As parents we have so many struggles both internally and externally, and we thought it valuable to share them. Each post in the series will revolve around a single issue or topic, which I will talk about in the various contexts of our family life. This week I will discuss Time. The next topic will be about Space.


Keith and I were both raised by single parents. We both grew up with one parent who was more or less not a part of our everyday lives. Mine was totally absent. Our history, where we came from parents who raised us on their own, makes parenting our children both a challenge and a blessing. My mother and his father were the ones to leave us behind, so we didn't have that much in the way of role models for the parents we would soon become. So we are paving our own way each and every moment of our parenting lives.

We love our kids. We want them safe, happy, and healthy. Sometimes we have different ideas of how to make sure they stay that way. Sometimes we're in sync. I know other couples whose parenting philosophies are pretty much one and the same. I wish that were us, but it's not. So, we've stopped trying to fight it and have recently embraced it. We've been working really hard to parent as a team, support each other and talk it out when we disagree on how to go about keeping them safe, happy or healthy.

Every day is a test.

Every minute there's a new opportunity to improve on ourselves and help each other out if we messed up before.

Parenting two children, when we both were "onlys," is another challenge, but it's one we were not afraid to take on, because we both have always wanted a sort of big family. Some days things can feel so chaotic and overwhelming, like the earth is ready to open up and suck us up for all that is going wrong. But then there are days where everything just seems to work out, and we see the love our children have for each other or we see the love our family and friends have for us and our little family. Or we just see how amazing our children are and how awesome we can be when we're with them.

Right now our primary struggle is Time. Time is something all adults struggle with. But when you become a parent, you realize how much you took it for granted when you were childless. As parents we are constantly surrounded by our children or some other responsibility or need. It might be laundry that needs to be folded, dishes that need to be scrubbed, meals that must be made and eaten (because even eating is a challenge oftentimes), messy rooms that need to be picked up or floors that have to be vacuumed, bills that must be paid, or a front and back lawn that is begging to be mowed. You get the idea. Then the baby is screaming because she's tired and doesn't want to go to sleep and at the same time the toddler is crying because he asked you to cut his pretzel roll in half, but he didn't really mean it. Or you just put the baby down for a second so you can eat your lunch and the toddler is swarming in seconds, sticking his dirty fingers directly into her mouth.

A little unnerving, right?

We also need time for ourselves. We both like our daily showers and we both need exercise and time alone. Keith also needs time to work in the office or go out on a shoot. For a while, time was a battle, even just talking about it brought on extra stress. This was especially true in the first month or two of Bevin's life, when I was still recovering from the delivery and was unsure of how to handle two kids at once with no help. When Keith went back to work after four weeks, I got over that hurdle.

And now we both are able to see clearly how the other needs just a little bit of time each week to decompress.

To each his own.

So for the past two weeks I've been going to yoga class on Friday mornings. It is such a gift, having that hour and a half to focus on me and not worry about anyone or anything. It's a Vinyasa Flow class so it is pretty strenuous and fast. It's perfect for me. And I leave there sitting up taller and feeling a little lighter.

For Keith, his decompression had been snowboarding and skiing, but with that season begrudgingly over, it took him a few weeks to realize that he really needed to start his favorite summer activity. So this week he went on his first mountain bike ride of the season, a beautiful nearly 10-mile ride up Mohonk Mountain. Also? He's gotten two pretty amazing magazine gigs shooting hikers in the Catskills. I, mean, he was so high he could see the area where we lived. And he was so deep in the woods he actually found bear poop. (You bet your ass he took a picture and then hightailed it off that summit!)

What kind of parents would we be if we had no interests or passions or hobbies of our very own? Acting on our individual passions and interests shows our children that we take care of ourselves, we honor ourselves, and that we are also individuals. They may not love it when we leave the house without them, but in the end, our rejuvenation will only benefit them.

Another aspect of this struggle with this time is using the time we have to earn a living. Since I am staying out of work until September, we are pretty broke. That means I have to give Keith as much time as he needs to market his photography business and try to get more assignments and clients, all so we can pay our bills. He can usually be heard uttering the words "If I can just get a little bit of time..."  The result of that is that I can't really take extra time during our day or evening to blog by myself. I began writing this post in a room with a snoring toddler while simultaneously pinned underneath a sleeping three-month-old. I consistently rocked the recliner so that she'd stay asleep just a little bit longer while I typed (on my phone) my thoughts on how we deal with so little free time.  It took me an entire week to complete my last "currently" link up post, and, ironically enough, I didn't have the time to actually link up. On the bright side, at least I was able to publish it. I ended this post in a dark room wearing a sleeping baby - always on the verge of waking up.

What we've decided to do with our time is not a perfect system, but it usually works. Each week when we menu plan we also divide our days into chunks and talk about what we will do with our time. Keith usually has production to do, or meetings to attend, or assignments to go to, and we both have doctor's appointments, so we work around those events and try to plan some "fun" into each week, knowing full well, we won't be together as a family all of the time once September rolls around.

We are fully aware that if time is limited now, September it will be practically non-existent. As an English teacher, I must bring my work home with me, so when will I have extra time to do the things I love? Maybe I'll find myself writing blog posts while pumping, like I did Cole's first year of life. I know it may seem silly to fret about blogging, but honestly, it means a lot to me. Writing is my outlet, my therapy, my passion. I've found my niche in blogging. I'm not looking to create a huge reader base or get a hundred fans. I'm only looking to share my experiences and make some meaningful connections along the way. Not to mention the fact that I publish an annual blog book as a documentation of our little family. I get a real sense of accomplishment from writing down our experiences, the lessons we learn, and the fun we have. Seeing it in book form is a huge payoff for me. It's like a family album. So the idea that I may not have enough time to do that is a little stressful to me.

I know that, in the end, it will all work out (as Keith is fond of saying), and that I will have to MAKE the time if I want to keep my blog current and continue to record our experiences. Because I know there's nothing worse than visiting a blog you love and seeing that the person really hasn't written a post in months and that you didn't actually miss a post on Bloglovin'. When I return to work I will also have to make the time to continue my yoga practice, even if it is at home in my garage.

But the most important takeaway from this is that it could be worse, we could have a lot of free time and no interests, no passions. What would our lives be like if we didn't have that?

Sharing one of our passions with our kids - hiking Bonticou Crag

Following in our footsteps

How do you do attempt to solve the problem of "time" in your family?