Parenting of Two. Volume 3. Sleep

This is the third post in a series about the struggles we as a couple face parenting two children. The issues and topics can also be applied to parents of one child, but the struggles just become amplified when you have two. (We compare parenting one child to the calm before the storm. Because parenting two children often feels chaotic and scary. ) As parents we have so many struggles both internally and externally, and we thought it valuable to share them. Each post in the series will revolve around a single issue or topic, which I will talk about in the various contexts of our family life. First topic was on Time. The last topic was on Space. Today I will discuss Sleep. Next topic will be on Routines.

Sleep. What a loaded topic, right? I mean, who actually gets sleep nowadays? People with no little kids running around? Probably, but not always likely. Because even those people have their worries keeping them awake, if not a baby wanting to nurse or a toddler crying because he's just had a nightmare he can't even remember.

Around here, our sleep as parents is always changing. Sometimes we get a good amount, sometimes a terrible amount. A lot of it has to to do with several things:
1) what time the little ones go to sleep
2) what time we go to sleep
3) what time the little ones wake us up in the morning
and the variable of
4) how many times we get woken up throughout the night.

Because I nurse Bevin in our bed at night, I'm the one typically waking up to feed her and change her diaper. Usually, halfway through the night I'm waking Keith up to comfort her while I use the bathroom. And closer to the morning, I'm also waking him up to soothe her while I try to rest for a few minutes of baby free time. Both of these things does not happen every day so Keith can end up getting more sleep than me and I am quick to remind him of that when I wake up groggy and cranky.

This is an occurrence that usually happens on weekend nights. Keith can fall asleep instantaneously. (I wish I had that problem.)

I remember all too well when we were both waking up in the middle of the night every hour and a half to three hours for 12 months straight. It was a difficult time, to say the least. I went back to work when Cole was 3 months old, so each night consisted of us taking turns getting up and either feeding or consoling him back to sleep. The bickering, blaming and criticizing weighed a lot on our marriage. We'd talk about our night later on and forget half the things we said. It was a tough time.  But we got through it. And with the exception of some challenging periods (that are still occuring thanks to potty learning), Cole has been a much better sleeper. Recently, he's been waking because he has to pee, or he's had a bad dream, or he's wet from peeing in his sleep, and the responsibility has fallen on Keith to take care of Cole. Luckily, Keith has no problem falling back to sleep.

This little one sleeps some long stretches, and I nurse her on demand throughout the night, but that also takes its toll on me. If you're a nursing mother, you know that sometimes you end up waking up even when the baby is still sleeping. I'm a light sleeper so it tends to happen more often than not. And she's guaranteed to wake up between 3 and 5 for at least a little while, smiling away. Who can say no to this smile?

Oh no wait... this smile...

Wait, that's not the smile I meant either...Here's a cute one...

(Obviously nothing is quite like the one I published two weeks ago.)

The other thing that troubles me is getting to sleep at night. Once Bevin and I wait for Cole to fall asleep, we quickly start our nighttime routine. Only problem is that sometimes it's early - around 8 p.m. Now I know during the school year this will not be a problem for me as I need to wake up at 4:30 a.m. anyway, so I'll be dog tired by 8 p.m. and will need to sleep at that time in order to function the next day, but what about down time for Mama? What about reading a little? Or straigtening up the house? Or eating a snack? Problem is, I can't leave the bed for too long without her realizing I'm gone and whipping her neck back and forth wondering where I went. On the other hand, I'm tired, why not just fall asleep if I can? This is often my conflict. And I suppose there could be bigger things that I could be conflicted about, but it's one I think about anyway.

Then there's the issue of naps. Cole doesn't nap unless he's in a moving vehicle and on the rare occasion that he does nap in our house, it is almost never duplicated the next day.

These are typical Cole nap snap shots...

Bevin naps in carriers (like the Ergo and Boba) all day long. I'm sure she'd nap just fine in our bed, but we'd have to be sleeping with her to make it a nap that's worthwhile, and that's just not possible with another kid running around the house.

So, to keep ourselves afloat and active, Keith and I run on caffeine during the day, usually going for our second (or third) cup of tea or coffee around 1 or 2 p.m.  Keith says that just when he thinks he has no endurance left, he gets through another day and begins a new one. That's how it is sometimes. You're so tired from not enough sleep, running around after the 3-year-old, doing chores, holding the 5-month old, going shopping or whatever, that you think to yourself - how can I go on another hour? How can I last until bathtime? And you just do.

I remember at Bevin's 2-month visit, talking about having two kids with the family doctor. And I expressed my guilt at the fact that bathtime and the inevitable bedtime that followed couldn't come fast enough some nights. And this guy? He couldn't agree more. Told me he used to count down the hours too. That's when he could finally sit and read the newspaper. I didn't feel so bad after all. When they're asleep, I can actually breathe and reflect on my day, on my mistakes, my victories. I can recharge and pick up and do it all over again the next day.

I'm curious...what sleep issues do you have in your family? And how do you deal with them?