Sometimes you just have to get started

Lately, I've been stuck in a rut. Tired, unmotivated, scattered, overwhelmed. These are the feelings that kind of float into my body after my morning decaf has worn off and then stick with me the rest of the day.

This weekend, I made a few discoveries.

I can drink tea again (I'll explain this in another post).

I am missing out on precious time with my son; before you know it September will be here and I'll be yearning for these long days of summer. (Thanks to Dada for reminding me of that).

This stuck in a rut thing tends to happen to me around this time every summer. This occurs, I realized because July is slowly transitioning to August. And I start to freak out internally. To my pessimistic mind, August means September is right around the corner. It's like August ceases to exist and all I can see is September looming over the horizon. I know, I know, woe is me. I have two months off every year, and all I can do is complain and whine how it's going to end soon. I wouldn't feel bad for me either.

Typically, I look at a summer like a weekend. June is Friday. The anticipation for time off is palpable. Teachers are counting down the days and are as almost checked out as the students. By the end of June, when I'm finally off, it feels like I have tons of time to kill. Life couldn't be better. Then, out of nowhere, July hits. No big deal. Still have plenty of time. Most of July is like a Saturday, where I spend tons of time with family and friends and forget that I have work on Monday. However, August is (obviously) like a Sunday, where it hits me that I have to work tomorrow, so I need to get cracking on planning and grading and whatever else it is I promised myself I'd get done this weekend.  But the reality check usually hits me near the end of July. I'm looking around and thinking - what the hell happened to this month? It's disappearing before my very eyes.

In years past I've given myself all of July to do nothing work-related and start planning mid-August, but
that was back when I was going to be teaching the same grade level the following September. Because I'm teaching a new grade level (Grade 9) in September, I promised myself back in early June - which now seems like forever ago - that I'd start working in July and have half of my year mapped out by August. YA RIGHT!!!

What was I thinking putting that kind of expectation on myself?

Truthfully, I wasn't being realistic. I was trying to be the perfect teacher. I was trying to make myself think I could get everything done this summer so I wouldn't freak out that I'm teaching an ENTIRELY NEW GRADEL LEVEL IN SEPTEMBER!!!! I knew this meant all new texts, new writing assignments, a new type of student. So to relieve any anxiety I might have about this, I told myself it would get done this summer, and I would have nothing to worry about. I could rest easy.

I'm not mad at myself for thinking I could accomplish this, but I am annoyed that I didn't realize sooner that I couldn't. It took me all of July battling with myself about getting work done versus feeling like I should relax and enjoy-my-time-off-for-once for it to fully dawn on me that it wouldn't be the end of the world if it didn't all get done. It wouldn't be the end of the world if I only mapped out Speak and Romeo and Juliet or even just Speak.

My first step came last week, when I reorganized and de-cluttered some of the things in the home office I share with my photographer husband. I made space for the new texts I need to teach and threw out a ton of stuff I've always kept for middle school, but never ever used. I boxed up all of my 7th and 8th grade texts to be sent to the junior highs when I return to work. I put supplies and books in appropriate cubbies, bins, storage containers, and made ample space on my desk to read, write, and work on the computer.

Then today, of all days (July 30 no less), I sat down with the time that Keith and I had carved out just for me to work, and began to figure out how to begin planning at least the first few months of the year.

First, I found this awesome blog post about a do-it-yourself plan book using sticky notes. I wrote a list of things I will need to make this a reality. I know it may seem kind of disorganized, but there's some good reasoning behind it and thought put into it. It's actually a very organized plan book in the end. If you're anything like me - constantly changing and shifting lessons and activities, then this is the answer. After writing in pencil on crappy ass plan books made for teachers, but apparently not BY teachers, for six years (because they always fall apart by November and are barely legible the next school year, there are so many erasures) this is the change I've been looking for.

I started re-reading Speak, taking notes, and writing questions to ask students along the way. If you are even just sort of into young adult literature, this is totally the book for you. The main character goes through many struggles but the story along the way is pretty amusing. High school. What can get more funny than that? After I read this book years ago, I read everything else by Laurie Halse Anderson and loved them all.

It doesn't sound like much was done but, for me, these were huge breakthroughs. Now, I've set the pace for reading that I can do every other night (because, let's be realistic, I still want to blog and pleasure read - two things I don't get to do enough of during the school year) and for future afternoons that I have to work.

I feel like a weight has been lifted.