Breastfeeding the second time around: Our journey

I know that No one said it would be easy, but, seriously - can't it be? For once?

Of course not. Everyone has their own troubles, so while some may not have had trouble with breastfeeding or sleeping (two areas that are an issue for us), I'm sure there's something else. No one's life is that perfect.

If you've been reading my blog since Cole was born, you know of my troubles with breastfeeding. Basically, for the two years that I nursed Cole I had a lot of issues - cracked nipples, constant clogged ducts, painful milk blisters, low supply, and a few bouts with mastitis. When Cole was 9 months old he started to refuse nursing on my right side. So my left side was over nursed for the next 15 months, but it provided much comfort and nourishment to Cole. Regardless of the troubles, I stuck with it, and I am thankful I did.

The troubles with #2 started much earlier on, within the first few weeks of her life. I won't bore you with the minor details, but it all boiled down to this: Bevin dislikes nursing on my right side (but doesn't downright refuse) and consequently, I felt my supply diminishing. I wound up with a clogged duct that almost became mastitis.  Thankfully, it didn't because of my diligence in fighting it.

To figure out the source of her aversion, I sought a lot of help in the past four months. I went to a breast specialist I've seen in the past to have her examine what I thought was a lump in my breast, thinking perhaps that if I have a lump in there, maybe that's why she doesn't like to nurse. But no, it was normal breast tissue. Definitely not it.

We also paid out of pocket for three lactation consultants and a physical therapist, all of whom came to various conclusions about the cause. I have learned that she is mildly tongue tied, she doesn't have torticolus, her head is no longer asymmetrical and it's not because I have less milk on that side. Essentially, it is NOT because of something that is wrong with her. She is happy, healthy, and thriving.

My family physician did a thorough examination of her yesterday and helped me admit what I didn't want to: she enjoys the flow of the milk better on my left side and therefore, prefers nursing there. And, he said, "There's not much you can do to change that." I know to someone who's reading this, you may think sure there is - but really, I've done everything I can, ten times over, and I've seen three different people who specialize in breastfeeding, none of whom have been able to help me get her loving that side. So what else can I do?

Here's what I will do: enjoy the three months that are left of my maternity leave with my baby and stop worrying about not feeding her enough, because she's getting enough milk and gaining weight like she should be. I'm going to stop worrying so much about my supply and just make sure I don't get clogged ducts by continuing to pump after she's nursed on the right side. What better way to store milk is there then to capture that precious hind milk?

I'm not giving up on my right side, by any means, but I'm going to stop getting flustered and going to stop getting upset when/if she doesn't want to finish nursing there. It's going to have to be a careful balance of energies, I know, but I have faith I can do it.