Uterus, you are not cooperating

You may remember my recent letter to my uterus and my appeal to her about not regularly contracting. Well, she seems to have a mind of her own.

For those of you who may not remember or just don't know, my first pregnancy was anything but normal. I was on bed rest for half of it due to regular contractions. Today those contractions came back full force. Keith and I wound up going to the doctor because they hurt so much. We discovered some disheartening news: they were 3-4 minutes apart. Scary, but not surprising. It was at this exact time in my pregnancy with Cole that I was put on bed rest because of regular contractions. But the doctors then didn't have the knowledge they have now: that I went to term and beyond with that pregnancy. That simple fact is my saving grace.

The good news (yes there is good news!) is that my cervix is still very long so they do not see this as preterm labor, only preterm contractions. And they do not see a need for bed rest (PHEW!) right now. Two doses of nifedipine seemed to help calm my contractions down. So I will continue taking that medication (which is what I took while pregnant with Cole) plus a weekly progesterone shot administered at the doctor's office, which means a weekly hour long trip to the doctor's office from my job. But if it means I can continue to work and not have to use all of my sick time before this little lovey comes to town, then so be it.

Hooked up to the contraction monitor at the birth center

Multiple contractions at the doctor's office

I'm painting this for Dada

"I'm painting this for Dada. When he comes home he can look at it.....Does this look good, Mama? Dada's gonna be happy when Dada gets home."

Habits and Obsessions

Cole's bad habits: biting his fingernails and when they're all gone, shoving his toes in his mouth and biting his dirty toe nails. Problem with this is when I tell him that it's gross, he thinks it's the funniest thing ever and wants to keep doing it. He also still drinks his bath water. When he's "brushing his teeth" at the sink he sticks his head under the faucet and drinks the water. The tooth brush stays in his mouth long enough for him to eat the toothpaste unless I force the issue and try to actually brush the teeth using, I don't know, the bristles?!

Mama's bad habits: Constantly checking Instagram and Facebook. My iPhone. Tensing my wrist when I'm driving. Leaving a glass of water near my iPhone and then walking away (if you have cats who think it's a sin to drink from their own water bowl you know why this is a problem). Buying unhealthy snacks on my way home from work because I'm starving. But I'm not starving. I'm just growing a baby and am very, very hungry all.the.time. Leaving my shoes in the middle of a room. Leaving my bowl of finished cereal on the counter instead of washing it or putting it in the dishwasher. I'm sure Dada can list more.

Dada's bad habits: Leaving beer bottle caps on the kitchen counter. Leaving empty beer bottles on the edge of the kitchen counter. Leaving the toilet seat up. Leaving his toothbrush in a puddle of water on the sink.

Cole's obsessions: ice pops. Mind you all of the ice pops he eats are healthy. I make smoothies with fresh veggies from the farm and I add in whatever fruit I have plus a little juice. He drinks some of the smoothie and then I freeze the rest in the various assortment of ice pops that we own. But he still wants these things morning, noon, and night and that can get annoying, especially when there's other food to be eaten. On the other hand, if he's getting fruits and veggies from these things, who am I to complain?
(The problem with the ice pops is that Cole likes to watch tv when he eats an ice pop. I can easily see how children become obese with the prevalence of television. A lot of mindless eating goes on. Luckily I've started to read him a book while he eats his ice pop and I've also encouraged him to play on his own while eating an ice pop.)

Mama's obsessions: Baby carriers. Last weekend, my friend texted me that Ergos were on sale on Baby Steals. I could have said to myself: "Mama you already have a Boba 3G and a Beco Gemini AND a Zolowear ring sling AND a Wrapsody gauze wrap AND a friend of yours is lending you her Maya sling once Baby #2 arrives. So do you really NEED this Ergo?" In the words of Cole: "I neeeeeeeeeeeed the Organic Desert Bloom Ergo Carrier with a front pouch for just $85. Yes, I really, really neeeeeeeeed it."

Dada's obsessions: home improvement projects. One thing leads to another and to another and to yet another. Don't get me wrong, this is and will always be a great thing, but major home improvement projects need to be staggered throughout the course of a year, especially with a child in the home, and a full time working mommy who brings her work home every weekend. He's been talking about sheet rocking the garage for years and with a baby on the way this was a natural project for him to embark on. As a result, the garage looks amazing. It's like an added room. And now we'll be able to play in there in the winter. The problem occurred as he was finishing the garage - he wanted to paint the living and dining room after painting the garage. That's when I drew the line. Our living and dining area is jam packed with stuff.  It would take a lot longer than 2 days because we'd need to move everything somewhere else (not even sure where) and then Cole would lose his primary play space. And I would probably lose my mind. That kind of project is much better suited for the summer, when we can head outside, and I don't have to worry about doing schoolwork.

My obsession on Dada.
 Plus, an honest-to-goodness smile.

Cole helping fill the ice pop molds

One set of the ice pop molds all filled

Happy boy after eating his smoothie

The weekend update

This morning Cole leaned in for a hug and said "I'm so happy you're home, Mama." Of course he wouldn't nap at home so we played at home for several hours. Cole even laid down for a few minutes on his slide but I couldn't get him to fall asleep that way. How cool would that have been?! Finally, a miracle happened and we got out the door and into the car. Two minutes into the car ride and a Fresh Beats song, Cole passed the heck out.

Pretend Sleep

Actual Sleep

Currently...

Mama is...

Loving my child up. Cole has been sad and mad that I've had to go back to work and after posting on a Facebook support group about it, someone helped me realize what I need to do to help him through this difficult change of me being back at work after an entire 2.5 months off. As a result, he's been more articulate about his feelings. Unfortunately though, it also resulted in him biting me tonight.

Devouring bialys. They are the only bagel type snack that require nothing but butter. The oniony flavor is just divine.

Giving Cole as much attention and love as I can. Every night I try to focus on just playing with him. I read him a hundred books too and that's fun and all but I can tell that playing is way better in his eyes. It's more quality time.

Grateful for my summers off. It's tough to end them and go through this in September but at least I get that uninterrupted time with him. Eventually he will remember it and as a good friend remind me tonight, before I know it he'll be in school and that will be our shared time off.

Going to do a prenatal workout using a video a friend gave me when I was pregnant with Cole. I did it twice last weekend and will do it again tomorrow after work if I can.

Cole is...
Loving his Mama. Tonight he kept telling me to "go away!" And then he'd make a mad face and say "I'm mad." And then I'd say "Cole I'm not going away, I love you." Then he'd say, "you want to go away to school." It just about broke my heart. But I kept with it and finally he said "I yuv you Mama" and hugged me tight. This heartwrenching exchange took place in the bathtub of all places.

Devouring Dada's latest concoction: watermelon ice pops. Due to an abundance of watermelons at our farm he decided to put them to good use. Cole also devours pretzel rods. I mistakenly bought a supersized container of them and he asks for them every single time I open up the cabinet. An ice pop or pretzel rod can usually cure Cole's blues.

Giving mostly nothing. Taking everything. Cole doesn't mind taking our food or snacks right off our plates or out of our bowls, but if we dare take his, he has a fit. On the flipside he doesn't mind giving us oodles of hugs, so that makes up for the ugly face when he tells us he won't be sharing with us.

Grateful for the camping trips he had this summer with other people. He still hasn't stopped mentioning them and seems to look forward to next year's trip with them.

Going to spend Saturday with Mama while Dada shoots a wedding. Going to have lots of uninterrupted fun.

The Sleep Fighting Champion strikes again

I wish I could take credit for the title of
"Unstoppable Bedtime Dodger"
but another mommy in a Facebook support group coined it. But that's what this sleep fighting champion has become - unstoppable.

When I saw her post a few weeks ago I said to myself- that is Cole to a T. Wherever we are, whatever time of day- naptime or bedtime - this little boy dodges it as much as he can. Obviously most toddlers don't like to go to sleep but Cole really hates to go to sleep.

Every night he can be heard saying this as soon as I turn the light off...

"I don't want to go to sleep, Mama. No!"

"No, Mama, no!"

Then after he realizes the light is not being turned back on, he begins his stream of consciousness. This is where he babbles on and on for about a half hour before his eyes close because they are so heavy, and he falls asleep in my arms. Talking to him during this babble is a mistake if I want to go to sleep anytime soon. But sometimes, he says the sweetest things or asks me such innocent questions that I feel I must respond. I allow this interaction to take place mostly on the weekends because I can sleep in a little bit. Also, if you know Cole, it's hard to have deep conversations with him because he's on the move all.the.time. Mostly though (on weeknights), I sit quietly, listen, and eventually I place my snoring two-year-old into his crib. Then I creep out, eat a bowl of cereal, make my lunch, brush my teeth, check Instagram five times, and Facebook seven times, do last minute planning or grading, text Dada or a friend, read my book and go to sleep. Or as in the case of last night: pass out 3 minutes after putting him down.

This is so not a bump date: 22 Weeks

This is only a bump date in the sense that you can see two pictures of my "bump". I put it in quotations because sometimes it's smaller than I think, and most of the time? People just have no clue that I'm pregnant, let alone 5 months pregnant. When I tell people how far along I am they are honestly surprised. It's going to sound weird but I'm a little jealous of those mamas who have rounder bellies earlier on. Why am I a little jealous? Because it was around this time in my pregnancy with Cole that I was put on bed rest, and I never got to show off my rounding belly to co-workers and the general public. Instead I sent a few co-workers a picture at the very end when I was days away from giving birth.

Because my pregnancy feels different than your average pregnancy, I developed some questions that I might use from time to time to tell you how I am doing. These questions fit my unique pregnancy.

1) Has your uterus been cooperating with you?
2) How have you been sleeping?
3) Has the baby been moving much?
4) How is Cole handling your pregnancy?
5) Are you "taking it easy" still?
6) Do you look pregnant yet?
7) Are you bothering to wear maternity clothes?

Here at home in my messy bedroom, I look semi-pregnant (20 weeks)

Out in public, I definitely don't.

1) Has your uterus been cooperating with you?

In the sense that it has not been contracting in a regular pattern (except for the anatomy ultrasound - that's when I definitely alarmed the technician) my uterus has been cooperating with me. But it has not been cooperating with me in the sense that it contracts for any old reason at least several times a day. I can't pinpoint it to any one cause, and I can't keep it from happening, no matter what I do or don't do. Because of the three contractions that occurred in a row at my anatomy ultrasound, I am due to return to the high-risk doctor in another two weeks. The good news is: no cervical change whatsoever.

2) How have you been sleeping?

I can sleep through the night a lot better now (probably because I'm so exhausted) but now that I have started to work again I have to wake up at 4:30 a.m. in order to make it to work on time. So I only get at a very maximum 7 hours of sleep. 

3) Has the baby been moving much?

Much to my chagrin, this baby has been moving a ton.

4) How is Cole handling your pregnancy?

Every day when I come home from work he says hi to me and then says "There's a baby in your belly." He pulls up my shirt and gives my belly a kiss. 

5) Are you "taking it easy" still?

At work, I have students move desks for me every day. I don't rush, and I try to leave my duty early so I don't have to get pushed around in the hallways (to say that the school I work in is overcrowded would be a huge understatement). At home, I try not to pick Cole up as much as he wants me to pick him up. It's hard to not have him on my belly when I'm putting him to sleep.

6) Do you look pregnant yet?

As I've shown you in the pictures, I think I look pregnant, but when I go out in public, I don't really. I probably look like I just have a little belly.

7) Are you bothering to wear maternity clothes?

Of course! I love maternity clothes and have a lot of hand-me-downs, most of which I really didn't get a chance to wear my first pregnancy because I was on bed rest for 4 months. So I wear a piece of maternity clothing almost every day. I've also noticed that if I wear maternity pants, I am more likely to look pregnant because it cradles my belly rather than smushes it in.

If there are some other questions that you were wondering, feel free to leave them in the comments and I will do my best to answer them!

The Beach for Realz

We've been to plenty of "beaches" this summer, but none were the real thing - the ocean beach.

As soon as we sat down on the beach the weekend of August 17, I knew what I had been missing, the sweet and salty smell of the ocean air, the feel of warm sand beneath my feet, and the sound of pounding waves rhythmically crashing onto the shore.

Cape Cod. It is as close to a summer "home" as I've ever had. Keith and I have been going there regularly for almost 10 years. We only skipped a year (2010) when Cole was born (and it wasn't even a thought - there was no way we, as new parents, were going to take a 2 month old on a 6 hour drive thank you very much.)

Last year our camping trip to Brewster, Cape Cod was spontaneous and fun, so we knew this year's trip to our usual location of North Truro would be a blast. Plus it involved our good friends, Allison, Shawn and their two-year-old, Juniper. The only thing better than one two-year-old is two two-year-olds. Aside from the typical struggles kids their age have with sharing, these two had a lot of fun together.

Sleep
The first night of camping is always the worst for us. Cole just doesn't want to go to sleep, no matter how tired he is. In fact he seems to get a second wind once we reach the tent and bounces around in it for at least an hour. The first night always involves crying and screaming and words of frustration uttered by everyone inside said tent. But each night after that it gets easier and easier, until it's time to go home, in which case you don't want to leave because it was so damn easy to get him to fall asleep. The same cannot be said for naps though. Cole is just a flat out nap refuser on vacations. If he's not in the recliner with Mama or Dada or in his crib, it's no dice. He's not sleeping. Of course, he has no problem sleeping in the car on vacations, but we are not always keen on JUST taking the car out for a spin to get him to nap - that is unless we are desperate for some quiet time and he is just plain bananas for lack of sleep.

Cole's Vices - tv and ice pops
Cole totally forgot about television on this vacation. It helped that we've been scaling back at home significantly so that really made a difference in terms of Cole's longings. He really (and still does) just wanted ice pops. He was much too distracted by playtime with Juni, logs and twigs, pine needles and sand.

The Beach
We made it to the beach for two good trips. The first was a windy,  kite flying, hat wearing, misty kind of afternoon. The second was a beautiful, perfect, sunny day with 75-80 degree air temperature, but a nice cool breeze. No sweating or baking in the sun. Only perfect contentment 15 feet away from the shoreline. Allison and I even went in for a nice swim and a little wave riding. As usual, we spotted seals swimming not too far from the shore. But warning had it that where there were seals, there would be sharks. A man had been attacked at a nearby beach because he attempted to swim with the seals. So there were shark warning signs on the beach. The downside of this beach experience was our toddlers' experience in the sand. Cole was not much interested in the ocean - way too noisy and forceful. He was fascinated by the sand. This meant a lot of playing in the sand. This was fun for the most part, but when Juni threw sand into Cole's face and when Cole threw sand into Allison's face - those were not so good times. (These sand-flinging events happened on two completely separate occasions on the same afternoon).

P-town/Wellfleet
These are our two favorite destinations when we head to Cape Cod (one is north and one is south of where we camp). P-town for its amazing people watching and Wellfleet for the cute shops and beautiful harbor and of course let's not forget the fresh seafood, since Wellfleet is a popular fishing village.
We managed an afternoon excursion into P-town where Dada did some baby wearing and Cole did some ice-cream eating. And we headed to Wellfleet for a delicious dinner at Mac's Seafood Shack (right on the harbor) and a gorgeous sunset walk on the docks and along the shore during low tide.

Cole and Juni at play
These two had a lot of fun playing with each other's toys, balancing on logs, running through towels, having tea parties, story time together, building sand castles. Once, Cole even turned down a chance to help Mama because he was too busy trying to "help" Juni bring her suitcase to her car. A gentleman in the making!

Our family of three time
On the last day of our trip was decided we were going to stay an extra night and enjoy our last vacation together as a family of three. So we headed down Cape to Hyannis where we had a fun time on the town (even though Hyannis is a small village, it feels like a little city). The only downside of the entire trip occurred during this family time. Cole threw a yellow plastic sand castle out the car window somewhere between Yarmouth and Hyannis. He still talks about and gets upset about this event to this day. (Just an FYI - he started to hysterically cry so much that we stopped a few minutes later to buy him two more plastic sand castles. No matter. Those castles will never add up to the one he threw out the window, which he, apparently, misses dearly.)

Cole's first boat ride
We took a trip on the Duckmobile, a unique (and war-made) land and water mobile, that tours the village of Hyannis and the harbor. He loves to watch the 13 second video clip I took of him in the seat next to the edge of the "boat" when we were in the water. He had so much fun on this 45 minute ride that he cried when we got off.


As far as pictures go, we shot a ton with our iPhones and some with our Canon Elph. I don't want to bombard you with pictures a month after the fact, but this is also a place where I'm pretty much documenting our life (well, as much as I can anyway) so whatever will be will be...

Another Dada and Cole moment

September has been a difficult month so far in terms of transitioning back into me being a working mom and Dada being stay at home/but work part time dad. Cole has been going through some serious separation anxiety and Dada has had to bear the brunt of it.

Most days have looked like this for Dada and Cole:

When Dada sent me this picture at work, I just wanted to start crying too. 

So when I saw this moment the other evening I had to capture it.

Sometimes we forget the happy moments more easily than the sadder ones.

Currently

This is more of a currently why the heck haven't you heard from me and what I've been up to this week. I am not following the prompts because I have no time to think outside the box but I've been dying to post all week.

I am trying to plow through all 550 pages of the book thief. I don't love the book, but my honors kids had to read it over the summer and I need to catch up for goodness sake!

Cole is eating an ice pop for breakfast and I have no more fight in me since this has been an exhausting week. It's a healthy ice pop so I'm not that worried.

I am trying to get all the dishes done so I can find the bottom of my kitchen counter. I posted this on Facebook recently : if it's eternal life you are seeking become a sink full of dishes or a mountain of laundry.
That's my life lately. It's never ending.

I just completed my first week of teaching high school and I love it. I was nervous as heck on Wednesday so that day was just okay but Thursday and Friday I kicked some serious ass.
The students are already impressing me with their ability to be creative and analyze poetry. I can definitely add "transferring to the high school" onto my list of Best Decisions I've Ever Made." I love this list because it makes me forget the Worst Decisions list.

I have to wake up at 4:30 a.m. now so I can make it to work by 6:45 before the buses fill the parking lot and block me from parking. Needless to say I'm so so tired after putting Cole to sleep that I barely have the energy to stumble into bed.

Cole is back to going to home care twice a week. He loves his school and has made some new friends. I'm very happy about it. Fortunately I don't have to do the drop off anymore so I don't have to feel the sadness that comes with his brief crying stint when I leave.

Keith is sheet rocking the garage with his uncle. It's like a different room. It's amazing. When we are not so much in debt (we also had to install a new heating system this summer) we will get new insulated garage doors. We still have to use the garage for storage and to park my car (there's no way in hell I am ever scraping frost off my car at 5:30 in the morning). But we will also be able to use it for a play space for Cole.

I have lots of other blog posts in the works and in my head I just need to find the time to write.

I would love to know- for those of you working moms who bring your work home, how do you also get blogging done?

Goodbye August

I know it seems strange to say goodbye to a month that has already slipped away, but I feel as though I still need this closure.

It was on August 9 that a very special lady left my life. Beverly left all of our lives for a better place. I'm not sure what that place is, but I know it's filled with the people she loved who died before her, especially her daughter and husband. My grandmother was more than a grandmother to me. She was like a mother, when my mother was too busy or too selfish to actually be my mother. It's why I called my grandmother Mom and it's why it felt unnatural to call my own mother, Mom. It was a title only reserved for one who loved me like a daughter. Growing up in her house, under her wings and there was no way I could call her anything but. Mom. She taught me the virtues of patience and generosity. She taught me that it's important to care for others because you want to, not because you feel you have to. She took me everywhere with her, introducing me to new experiences and new people. She bought me new clothes, got me new haircuts. She treated me to lunch whenever I went shopping with her. She talked to me and listened. She stood up for me, and she showed me she loved me without even having to tell me.

Not even a week after she died, I found out we were having a girl. We also had a scare that forced me to come to terms with the possibility of having a child with Down Syndrome. And I thought to myself- what would Mom do? How would she feel? The answer: She would accept it and move on. She would give birth to the child and give her all the tender, love and care she deserved. Fortunately the blood test came back negative, but even if it didn't, we would be okay.

I realized too that while she may not have the same spirit or soul, I am sure my daughter will embody some of the positive qualities my grandmother possessed. Why? Because my grandmother instilled those in me. I will pass them on to my daughter. My grandmother's spirit will live on in me and in my daughter.

So goodbye August. Usually your sounds and smells intoxicate me. Your beauty is enchanting, and I always want you to last forever. You are warm and inviting and peaceful. But this year you changed me. This year I hardly noticed your existence. I was bathed in too many tears and too many self-imposed distractions. Before I knew it, you were gone. Poof.

When you come to visit next year, may the new life I hold in my arms love you as I have and remind me that we can all still be as innocent and bright eyed as the Blue Moon on a late August night.

Happy Christmas, circa 2001

Proud. circa 1998

Mom, Ma and Dad. 1953

Mom, Aunt Sharon and me. circa 1978.