19 Months

Today.

Cole is 19 months today. I never wrote an 18 month post or even an in-between-month-post, so I actually hope to perform a miracle today: post a monthly update on the day of Cole's monthly birthday.

Cole's major accomplishments over the past two months:
He can eat very well with a spoon.
He can speak in sentences with four or more words, although he usually talks in sentences with two or three words. The sentences with four or more words are usually sentences that are on repeat (if you have a toddler you know what this means).
He can identify the sounds of things: school bus, truck, motorcycle, car, peeing, shower, etc.
He can recite some words to songs when you start them for him. These songs include: the ABCs, the 123s, the Five Little Monkeys, Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, Ring around the Rosie.
He graduated to a booster seat at home.
He can apply lotion to his stomach and knees.
He can climb onto the couch.
He can sit for several readings of the same book.
He's learning a certain degree of restraint.
He can clean up his toys when we ask him.
He can answer our questions and if he doesn't know he says, "I don' know."

THE BASICS

Cole weighs 27 pounds and is about 32 inches high. He looks a lot like Keith most days, but some moments I look at him and I see a version of myself. He's wearing mostly 18 month clothes, but he's also starting to fit into some 24 month clothes. This kid just keeps getting longer and longer!

He eats pretty much everything we eat, except if it's spicy or green. He has an aversion to leafy green food, and I am nervous about how he will react with something spicy. He loves pasta, hummus, cheese, bread, and grilled chicken. He also favors bananas, apples, apple sauce, dry cereal, yogurt, and yogurt melts.

LOVES

Cole loves buses. He waits for the school bus most mornings with the day care director, and if I get there early enough to pick him up we wait for the kids to get off the bus in the afternoon. When we go to the town park, he'd rather stand in front of the community center and watch the Trailways bus than play on the playground.

Cole loves lotion. He requests the use of lotion on his body at least twice a day. More if he's home on the weekend. We typically only put lotion on him after a bath, and this only started recently when I was trying to cure a dry patch of skin.

Cole loves to cook. I'm not sure if I ever specifically blogged about the Barbie kitchen we bought used during the Spring, but it's getting a little old and if I hear Barbie yell "Take the turkey OUT of the oven!" one more time, I'm going to hurl the kitchen down the driveway. With that in mind, we purchased a less expensive version of the wooden kitchen we put on Cole's Amazon Wishlist.  It should be arriving on Thursday. I don't think I've ever been this excited about a toy that isn't mine. The wooden fruit Grandma Carolyn gave to Cole for Christmas are already a big hit. Look for a post on the new kitchen within the next few weeks.

Cole loves the idea of shopping. I think this has to do with the fact that a new part of our weekend routine is to do our weekly food shopping on Saturday mornings. When I asked him today what he wanted to do he said "Go shopping!" Keith thinks he knows that snacks and shopping go hand in hand and that's what he looks forward to. I think he likes the experience of being in the store, being at eye level with us while in the cart, and a toddler favorite: people-watching.

Cole loves to clean. In fact, just today he used his sponge to clean his Barbie kitchen.

Cole loves buttons. He's constantly asking for the "mote" because he wants to press the buttons on the gadget that has the most enjoyable buttons: our cable remote control. It lights up AND turns the television on. Who'd have thought it could be so enticing to a toddler? We are always trying to "hide" it but our living room is small and he has figured out all of our hiding places (on the bookcase, behind the couch, on top of the television hutch). He points to wherever he suspects it is and says adamantly "Remote?!" or simply, "Mote?!"


SLEEP

The first half of the second year of Cole's life have been a wild roller coaster of sleep. He started to sleep more in June and then by the summer he was sleeping 12-13 hours in a row. But once I went back to work in September, his sleeping patterns changed again.  He still goes to sleep around the same time every night. But how long he sleeps is always anyone's guess. Sometimes he doesn't wake up at all. Sometimes he wakes up a few times in the first part of the night. Sometimes he wakes up two or three times the second part of the night. Sometimes only once. Like I've said before: he's wired this way. I can try to think up a million and one reasons (molars, growth spurt, separation anxiety, etc), but it's just something that will happen until he gets a little older (one can only hope!). We've stopped trying to figure it out and I've stopped complaining to people unless they really want to know why I'm so tired, or unless they too have a toddler who doesn't sleep through the night. The one thing I've been struggling with is nightweaning. Sometimes I'm resolute and won't give him the "Doo Doo," but other nights I'm truly exhausted and just whip it out so he'll stop crying and go back to sleep. I know this is terribly inconsistent of me, but, since we've tried everything else, I do what I have to do to make sure we both get at least a little sleep.

HAIR
Cole got a second and even more adorable haircut just before Thanksgiving, which was also just before he turned 18 months. He was such a champ during the haircut, I'm continually amazed by his ability to keep his cool, even in the most unfamiliar situations.


BREASTFEEDING

Our breastfeeding relationship has really matured. Although he still goes to me when he's hungry, breastfeeding is also a way for us to reconnect after 10 hours apart from one another. It's a way that I can soothe him when he's feeling really anxious, or to help him fall asleep at night. Now, when we nurse (which is a verb he can now understand and use), he looks up at me, smiles, while touching my chest or just breathing deeply. Just today, he brought me to tears when he asked to kiss me. "Mama, kiss?" so I leaned down and we kissed, and then he went back to nursing. Then a little while later, he asked to kiss Doo Doo, and I said, "Do you love Doo Doo?" and he responded by saying "Kiss, Doo Doo, Kiss." I can't believe I am mother to such an amazingly loving little boy.

Cole's second haircut at Tress Olay in New Paltz.

Cole getting a sleigh ride during our trip to Bell's Farm to chop down our first ever real Christmas tree

Cole and Mama reading a Clifford lift the flap book.

Miracle performed. I think I covered everything here. Any questions on something I may have missed? Leave them in the comment box below.

Parenting a toddler on Christmas while traveling means we get martinis at the finish line

I'm sure so many of you already are nodding your heads simply at the post title. If you've traveled on Christmas with a toddler (or two) you know exactly what I'm referring to. But for those of you who don't yet have a toddler, I'll fill you in.

Here's the background: we have families who each live south of us, so even though we didn't want to do an overnight, it made no sense not to. So we did one. Sleeping elsewhere wasn't the issue. It was this: we were away from home in two houses that are still a little unfamiliar and new and there was a total lack of routine. Both of these combined factors (which obviously apply to Cole and not to us) made for an exhausting Christmas.

It's nice in theory to hope that family members will help in the toddler chasing. But, in actuality, everyone is too preoccupied with talk, food, drink gifts, and the like to really pay close attention to Cole. Oh yes, they see his adorable smiles, his running and climbing antics, but to them it's cute, precious, and someone else's responsibility. Which is fine. Because they are right. He is our child, and our responsibility. We understand that. But that fact doesn't make it any less tiring.

And why is it so tiring? Because these homes are not childproofed. We love our families, but the suggestion "Well, just watch him and make sure that he______" just doesn't reassure us in any way.  This is because we then have to WATCH HIM LIKE A HAWK and not allow any of the following possibilities to fill in that blank: a) doesn't fall down the stairs b) doesn't break the glass Christmas tree or the ceramic trains or c) doesn't choke on the various assorted nuts in the several bowls within his reach. 

Basically, what this means for us is two things:

1) We must be prepared. We brought a tension gate and zip ties to make sure the gate stayed secured to wherever we placed it. We also brought sneakers so we could run and catch him from touching some breakable object or sticking his entire hand into the salsa bowl. We brought Cole's booster seat so when he ate he was restrained. Then we could take a breath and eat too.

2) Because we are so busy watching him like a hawk, we cannot truly enjoy our family. Even though it would be nice to switch who is in charge every half hour (which is what we originally said we'd do), in reality, five minutes feel like forever when you're chasing a toddler around a house that isn't yours. We kept switching back and forth so often (either because of lack of patience or just sheer exhaustion) that we rarely had full conversations with people.

This is why we decided two things:

a) We needed martinis (Keith made a delicious orange concoction yesterday afternoon that was to die for).

b) Because Thanksgiving and Christmas are so close together, we are going to alternate between the families from now on. So, for example, we will spend Thanksgiving with my family and Christmas with his family one year and vice versa the next. That way we don't have to spend a stressful Christmas Eve morning packing the car while simultaneously complaining that we packed too much stuff. On the contrary, we can spend a relaxing Christmas Eve at home, knowing that Cole won't be destroying anything or hurting himself in any way that we haven't already thought of, and wake up in our own home with our own Christmas tree on the morning of Christmas Day. When all that is done, THEN we drive to see one of our two amazing families.

Without further adieu, here are the pictures from the Ferris Family Christmas 2011...

"Hmmm. What kind of trouble can I get into over there?"

"What else does she have in there?"

"Yeah, would ya hold on? I have another call comin' through!"

"Now if I could just climb up here, then I could reach the table, then...."
This is what we call Supervised Climbing, when really, it's one parent making a half-assed attempt at making him get down while the other parent takes a picture.

Keith says this photo captures exactly what he felt. In fact, he wants to make it his Facebook profile. 

"Gifts!"
Wherein Barney is really six inches tall and gift bags really do come in SUPER DUPER sizes.

Cole is in schoolbusvana.

"I'll sit down for a picture, sure. But that means you have to chase me for the next five minutes."

"Open! Open!" Keith and I are pretty sure the ties that keep children's toys in the box they come in were made by magicians.

The cracker bandit enjoying his loot.

Cole the diapered streaker

At 18 months old, Cole looooooves to run around with all of his clothes off.  I put a limit though and make sure (most of the time) that his diaper stays on. 

Daily Cuteness: He's a hat boy

This kid loves his hats

Cole the helper and the fixer

Cole loves to help. He usually exclaims "I help!" or "I clean!" or "I vacuum!" or "I broom!" You get the idea.

At 18 months old, this is what he loves to help us with:

cleaning up his meal mess (he actually likes to create the mess so he can clean it up)
putting wet clothes on the drying rack
putting wet clothes into the dryer
putting dirty clothes into the wash machine (you see where this is going)
sponging off the table
cleaning the windows with his sponge (he has a special sponge given to him by Dada)
putting his dirty clothes in his hamper
picking up Mama's shoes
putting things into the garbage
putting blocks back into the block cart
putting his bath toys into the sink
putting his shoes away
vacuuming the floor
sweeping the floor
helping us cook ("I cook!")



Because I have never won any awards for my amazing ability to clean up after myself, this kid is truly his father's son.

Cole loves to fix whatever he sees Dada fixing or putting together. In the three examples I am thinking of,
Keith put together two different tables (one for the dining room and one for Cole) and replaced a light bulb in our kitchen ceiling fan. Cole wanted to help in all three instances. This kid is so adorable. "I fix! I fix!" he exclaims. I noticed that he takes more of an initiative in fixing things than with helping - although vacuuming seems to be his forte.

Helping Dada with the new pre-owned table we got from my family

I fix!

I broom!

Helping Dada and Grandpa Bill put together his new Ikea table

Fixing his new Ikea table

Helping Mama vacuum the kitchen

Sometimes you've got to do things yourself if you want them done right.

Parenting and careering

I always thought that a career was first and foremost and that once I had one all set up, I could then have children. It seemed to make so much sense. Get all my ducks in a row so I could have time for my kids.

Oh, how little I knew.

Being a mother for 18 months has caused me to look at things from a completely different perspective. I feel as though having a career already set up is harder than if I were just in a 9-5 job that didn't require bringing work home or was something I was not too invested in. But now, being a teacher for 6 years, I have high expectations of myself and have already established myself as a certain type of teacher. Even though I'm tenured, I still have a ton of responsibility. And because of APPR, and the new Common Core Standards, English teachers have to reinvent the wheel once again. So instead of using my fallback plans from last year, I have to make complete new ones. And that's a lot of freaking work on top of all that writing I have to grade! Finally,  I can't change who I've become at this point in my career. And that person is someone who plans structured, meaningful lessons and tries to stay as up to date with technology as possible. So now I'm stuck with feelings of guilt on one end and resentment on the other.

When I am at home I worry about all of the work I have to do for my job: grading, planning, electronic communication with parents, making homework and assignments available on the web. The list can go on and on. In fact I always have a seemingly never ending list. But when I try to do these things I feel even guiltier because then I am taking time away from my child, who already doesn't see me for 50 hours a week (and I wonder why he wakes up at night). I then feel resentful that while I have a great job, I have to bring my work home with me.

On the flip side, when it takes me over a month to grade 120 essays, I feel incredibly guilty that I'm not getting work back to my students in a timely manner. By the time I give then back their essays, some of them even forget they wrote them. It's kind of sad. I don't know how to balance this struggle between work and family. But I'm trying. Juggling really is a fine art.

Most Sunday mornings I head off to the local cafe and get my planning done. We've also decided to make Monday evenings another time for me to grade. Instead of staying at work late I will pick Cole up at the regular time, but Keith will leave work am hour earlier, come home and take care of Cole while I go to the library or cafe to grade. That way I'm working closer to home and am not still an hour away from home when I am done. I also like this way better because Cole is not at day care wondering where's Mommy when the time for me to pick him up comes and goes. (This kid is like clockwork - he knows EXACTLY when I should be there.) But this plan will only work if Keith's employer is accommodating, so please cross your fingers.

Something else we've been doing lately is dividing up duties on the weekend. So on Saturdays Keith cleans the house (or vice versa) while I take Cole food shopping, among other errands. Then we come home and hopefully Cole goes down for a nice nap. When he wakes up we do whatever we had planned for the rest of the day. On most Sunday mornings I get my work done at the cafe unless Keith takes Cole out while I stay home. Then in the afternoon Keith will sometimes get whatever work done he needs to do - either in the garage or on his computer.

Some weeknights Keith works at the studio doing a shoot for stock photography. But most nights, he's cooking dinner while I watch Cole and then cleaning up while I bathe and put Cole to sleep. I know the books say there should be variety in who puts the child to sleep, but if I'm home and NOT putting him to sleep, Cole is not a happy camper. And then no one wins. We do what works for us. Forget what the books say.

Whenever we are alone with Cole we try to treat the time like a date and have as much fun with him as possible. Sometimes, I'll take him to the park and then out to eat afterwards. Sometimes Keith will do the same. As long as there is consistency in when he takes a bath and how he goes to bed (boob, bottle, and rock), he does just fine. (Cole will go to sleep for Keith, I just can't be in the house at the time.)

Below are various iPhone pics of our lives with Cole as working parents...

Cole on a "bus" at the Rosendale Elementary playground where Keith took him so I could grade

This is how you get a toddler to cooperate with you during a shopping trip: lots and lots of food

Going down the slide at Hasbrouck Park. This was on a recent Mama/Cole date night.

Keith showing me his work from the studio the other night

Keith talked Cole into climbing into the empty box instead of standing on it while I planned my lessons at the local cafe

The word "family" becomes more meaningful

Cole said a new word last week: Family. And he coupled it with a verb: Miss. He also said "Grammy. Miss." And "Papa Joe. Miss." While looking at Papa Joe's picture in a family collage his teacher had made him a few weeks back, he kissed it. All of these words and gestures helped me to realize just how loving my child is. And it made me yearn to live closer to both my family and Keith's family. As it stands now, we live an hour from Keith's immediate and extended family and 2 hours away from my immediate family (2.5 to 3 depending on traffic). We would have looked for a house closer to Keith's family, but at the time we were looking we were priced out of Dutchess County. And now? Now, we love the area in which we live (hello? who wouldn't love being 10 minutes from some of the most beautiful mountains in the state?), and we can't imagine moving to Dutchess County, even if we could afford it. That being said, I think that Cole still deserves to see his family more often than on major holidays. I think my resolution for the coming year is going to be this: make more of an effort to connect with family so Cole can get to know them as he grows up. One of the things I have done to help keep that resolution is signing up for
Skype. My father and Cole and I have skyped twice so far this week. And one of those times, my grandmother even got in on the action. Super cool for Cole!

Here are some pictures from our two Thanksgivings - the first one was at Keith's grandmother's house, and the second was at my father's house.

Grammy and Cole

Mama and Cole

Turns out that running down this hall...

...is a family tradition

Cole surveys the crowd

Cole's favorite position

Cole and Papa Joe

Cole on his retro car

Watching the birds and the planes

Double Date Night Times Two

We haven't been out with our friends for dinner without Cole since before Cole was born. So you can imagine my excitement when we planned double date nights two weekends in a row. The first was with P-Squared and the second was with Allishawn. Thanks to Grandma Carolyn for making these two fun nights possible.

The first weekend, we graced the dinner room of Elephant with Peter and Peg and shared some fabulous tapas. Then we went to Stockade Tavern for some after dinner drinks. Homemade pretzels and pickled vegetables. Yum! Then, with Allison and Shawn, we met up further away in Saugerties since they come down from Albany. We ate a fabulous meal at Miss Lucy's Kitchen. I am not kidding you when I tell you the food (and atmosphere) was out of this world. Plans are now in the works to do this again in January. Can't wait!

Double Date Night #1 with P-Squared

Double Date Night #2 with Allishawn

How My Boob Made the Internet

Way back when (when I seemed to have more free time than I do now) I used to be a model in Keith's shared photography studio. Keith is always working on his stock photography portfolio, and we figured with Cole's quarterly portraits we could also squeeze in some concept shots (which is an impossibility nowadays). One particular session, we decided to do some breastfeeding shots, which I agreed to do only if my face was not shown.

Well, editors have since downloaded these shots probably numerous times, but because it's kind of anonymous, Keith doesn't really know where they end up. That is unless he does a reverse image search on Google. Well, that's what Keith did today. 

And look what he found. (If you click on the page and a box comes up, just click in the margins and the big box will disappear).

But here's a warning (like I should even have to issue one on this blog)- if you don't want to see a closeup of me breastfeeding my child, don't click on this link. But if this stuff doesn't give you the heebeegeebees, and you want to see a beautiful picture of my child eating, go right to it.  I can't tell you how jealous I get of moms who post pictures on Facebook of them lovingly bottle-feeding their child, but I can't post a single picture of my boob because Facebook thinks of it as some kind of pornography. Well, folks, there's my boob. She made the internet. She's now famous.

What's great about this photo is that Keith even got photo credit for it. What's ironic about this photo is that I am now a bit more self-concious about breastfeeding in public because I am nursing a walking/talking human being. Secondly, the boob that is pictured is the one that is no longer in working order. Ha!