Parenting and careering

I always thought that a career was first and foremost and that once I had one all set up, I could then have children. It seemed to make so much sense. Get all my ducks in a row so I could have time for my kids.

Oh, how little I knew.

Being a mother for 18 months has caused me to look at things from a completely different perspective. I feel as though having a career already set up is harder than if I were just in a 9-5 job that didn't require bringing work home or was something I was not too invested in. But now, being a teacher for 6 years, I have high expectations of myself and have already established myself as a certain type of teacher. Even though I'm tenured, I still have a ton of responsibility. And because of APPR, and the new Common Core Standards, English teachers have to reinvent the wheel once again. So instead of using my fallback plans from last year, I have to make complete new ones. And that's a lot of freaking work on top of all that writing I have to grade! Finally,  I can't change who I've become at this point in my career. And that person is someone who plans structured, meaningful lessons and tries to stay as up to date with technology as possible. So now I'm stuck with feelings of guilt on one end and resentment on the other.

When I am at home I worry about all of the work I have to do for my job: grading, planning, electronic communication with parents, making homework and assignments available on the web. The list can go on and on. In fact I always have a seemingly never ending list. But when I try to do these things I feel even guiltier because then I am taking time away from my child, who already doesn't see me for 50 hours a week (and I wonder why he wakes up at night). I then feel resentful that while I have a great job, I have to bring my work home with me.

On the flip side, when it takes me over a month to grade 120 essays, I feel incredibly guilty that I'm not getting work back to my students in a timely manner. By the time I give then back their essays, some of them even forget they wrote them. It's kind of sad. I don't know how to balance this struggle between work and family. But I'm trying. Juggling really is a fine art.

Most Sunday mornings I head off to the local cafe and get my planning done. We've also decided to make Monday evenings another time for me to grade. Instead of staying at work late I will pick Cole up at the regular time, but Keith will leave work am hour earlier, come home and take care of Cole while I go to the library or cafe to grade. That way I'm working closer to home and am not still an hour away from home when I am done. I also like this way better because Cole is not at day care wondering where's Mommy when the time for me to pick him up comes and goes. (This kid is like clockwork - he knows EXACTLY when I should be there.) But this plan will only work if Keith's employer is accommodating, so please cross your fingers.

Something else we've been doing lately is dividing up duties on the weekend. So on Saturdays Keith cleans the house (or vice versa) while I take Cole food shopping, among other errands. Then we come home and hopefully Cole goes down for a nice nap. When he wakes up we do whatever we had planned for the rest of the day. On most Sunday mornings I get my work done at the cafe unless Keith takes Cole out while I stay home. Then in the afternoon Keith will sometimes get whatever work done he needs to do - either in the garage or on his computer.

Some weeknights Keith works at the studio doing a shoot for stock photography. But most nights, he's cooking dinner while I watch Cole and then cleaning up while I bathe and put Cole to sleep. I know the books say there should be variety in who puts the child to sleep, but if I'm home and NOT putting him to sleep, Cole is not a happy camper. And then no one wins. We do what works for us. Forget what the books say.

Whenever we are alone with Cole we try to treat the time like a date and have as much fun with him as possible. Sometimes, I'll take him to the park and then out to eat afterwards. Sometimes Keith will do the same. As long as there is consistency in when he takes a bath and how he goes to bed (boob, bottle, and rock), he does just fine. (Cole will go to sleep for Keith, I just can't be in the house at the time.)

Below are various iPhone pics of our lives with Cole as working parents...

Cole on a "bus" at the Rosendale Elementary playground where Keith took him so I could grade

This is how you get a toddler to cooperate with you during a shopping trip: lots and lots of food

Going down the slide at Hasbrouck Park. This was on a recent Mama/Cole date night.

Keith showing me his work from the studio the other night

Keith talked Cole into climbing into the empty box instead of standing on it while I planned my lessons at the local cafe