Poetry share

I am in the midst of an amazing poetry unit with my students. After returning from winter break on Jan. 5, we will spend the final week reading poetry (from other authors) they submitted on the last day of classes, and then they will write their own poems. All the while, because I've been so inpired to write, I've been sharing my poetry with them. My goal is to show them that poetry can be fun, inspirational, and need not be perfect. Here are some of the poems I've written. The last two I have not yet shared with them because I just wrote them in the past week.

“The Forgotten Ones”

We

the forgotten ones

have just gone a day or two on a diet of rug fibers,

old cheerios and hardened raisins that your demon spawn could not be bothered to pick up.

Yet, you

the forgetters,

feel we should pay rent

to cover the cost of the most disgusting expensive cat food

we’ve ever eaten.

It's about time you realize that

We earn our keep.

Exhibit A:

When

you make hollow threats to your youngest demon to the effect of
“Leave the cat alone!”

or

“Kiwi doesn’t want to be touched

Or

(the ever-effective:)

“Don’t pull her tail,”

and then walk

out of the room

with the knowledge that your youngest demon is occupied for the moment,

you expect us to babysit free of charge.

Exhibit B:

When

you allow that same little animal obsessed toddler

to say “goodnight kitty” 62 times

while she is crushing one of our lungs and squeezing the other’s precious tail

with the knowledge that she could be hurting us:

we call this mean-cat-owner-syndrome.

You should look into treatment.

Exhibit C:

When

you search for your demon spawn

only to find them harassing one of us

you say

“Oh he’s just playing with the cat”

and then walk away

to check your phone,

we call this severe cat neglect.

Exhibit D:

When the squeezer-biter-demon

belly crawls under your bed

to pull our tails

and you say "oh they love the attention,"

we call that everything-that-is-wrong-with-this-world.

So what if our litter box smells because we don’t know how to cover things up?

So what if we gallop down the hallway between midnight and 2 a.m.?

So what if we crash land on your stomachs just as you are falling asleep?

So what if we howl in the face of any closed door?

So what if we drink from your water glasses the minute you turn your backs?

So what if we play with the noisiest Christmas ornaments at 5:30 a.m. on a Saturday?

Serves you right.

Consider this:
We are the babysitters who don’t charge.

We endure torture on a daily basis.

Does anyone hug your face for extended periods of time?
We didn’t think so.

Not only that.

But,

we keep your bed warm

and we love you

despite the hard evidence

that you have forgotten us.

“The Paper Clip”

My son the teller of tall tales

tells me his sister has swallowed the paper clip

when I saw her out of the corner of my eye

throw one out.

He says, “she scooped it up, “

He cups his hands.

“And swallowed it.”

I picture the plastic coated paper clip

traveling down her esophagus, falling into her stomach,

and I briefly wonder -

would she poop it out?

“Cat scratch”

“Did she scratch you?” he asks gently.

He kisses her face, the scratch on her nose

a defensive cut from the “good girl, kitty.”

Her eyelashes flutter.

She leans in to his kiss, into his big-brother-body.

Her protector.

She smiles so broadly,

her lips have reached the end of her face.

“Mommy, can you?”

Each day:

“Mommy...

Can you not go to work tomorrow?

Can you button this?

Can you unbutton this?

Can you bring me home a treat?

Can you read this?

Can you come in to see us in the morning?

Can you kiss me while I’m sleeping? Like this?

Can you tuck me in?

Can you follow me out to the living room?
Can you watch me while I pee?

Can you go to the garage with me?

Can you get me that remote control car? The one up there?

Can you kiss my boo boo? It’s on my foot.

Can you stay home tomorrow?”

Each day:

Mommy prays for Friday.

“There is poetry”

                

You’re teaching?

Yes.  That’s what I do.

On the last day of school before break?

Yes.

The last period?

Yes.

Oh Wow.

Poetry is wow.

It’s beautiful and moving and touching and soothing.

And we are sharing it.

You are welcome to join us.

Students walking, reading, talking

through a gallery of poetry.

These past two weeks

have been an eye opening examination of

everything that I’m about: ideas, words, feelings, beliefs.

Poetry.

I live it.

I think in it.

I teach it.

I learned that there is poetry

in the way you take apart the words,

dissect them,

define them,

give them your own meaning.

And there is poetry

in the way you write

in response to something

you thought you’d have nothing to connect to.

But there is so much there that you didn't  see.

At first.

And still there is poetry

in what you eventually saw,

what you heard and discovered

underneath the veil of the stanzas,

beneath the speaker's words.

They began to speak to you.

Those lines of verse.

“looked down one as far as I could”

“all the dark blue speed drained out of it”

“engrave them on your hearts”

“how your heart pounds inside me”

“I never liked you - not one bit”

“so he opens his throat to sing”

“did you know that a day is longer than a year”

“me: I’m weeping”

There is poetry in the way

some of us have been inspired.

Me: writing poetry at my kitchen counter.

Me: falling asleep reading Billy Collins; waking up thinking about Emily Dickinson.

You: writing poetry as we are reading poetry

You: writing poetry when you don’t even realize you are.

You: appreciating poetry (even secretly liking it)

"I woke up and poured out a poem"

You can take the girl out of the city

and - contrary to popular belief -

you can take the city out of the girl.

I don’t care what they say.

The F train doesn’t live in my heart;

I never long for the Q38 on windy days.

I don’t wake up yearning for gum spotted sidewalks

or well landscaped parks.

instead,

I yearn for the wild

the untouched woods

a fern covered hillside

flowing, gurgling waterfalls on either side of the windy, hilly road

a sunset over the Shawangunk ridge.

I don’t miss gated windows

and triple locked doors.

I never have an inkling for honking horns on endless repeat.

I don’t miss lamp-lined streets lighting up the way home in an orange gold haze.

I only want unadulterated darkness

in which you can tip your head back

and stare at the clear sky,

and the stars

on endless repeat.

in awe

on endless repeat.

I only want earth shattering silence

so I can sleep in peace and quiet

in my house in the mountains.

Statue

"I'm a statue. Just keep talking over and over, Mommy. I won't say anything."

My serious yet not so serious boy. 

"Tee!!"

 

"Tee!" Cutest word ever. 

This is the best shot we got! 

A Christmas tradition

Today we got our tree from a local tree farm. It was a fun, windy and chilly experience, but it was a tradition we started when Cole was a baby, so there was no stopping us. Bevin started off in the Ergo, but once she saw the fun Cole was having on the "sled" she wanted in! The carrier was a no-go after that. 

Cole ran through the trees being a big helper. His job was to help us find our perfect tree. 

Bevin apparently thought this was a snowboard of some sort. 

Cole's other job: photographing the tree sawing. 

We went on our merry way with our tree. Soon after this moment we found ourselves drinking some hot cocoa and spilling the rest of it. Fun times!

Once the tree is all set up, I'll post more fun family pics. 

Organization and Warmth: Breathing In a Sigh of Relief

When winter comes, I crave hibernation. I know I should get outside and be in nature - or at least my backyard - but really when it comes down to it, I just want to be warm. My favorite seasons are the warmer months- spring and summer, so it just doesn't feel natural for me to be outside until I actually get outside and know that it is alright out there too. I really enjoy winter hiking with just my husband. I don't have to worry about someone being too cold or tripping and face planting into the snow. I don't have to worry about having to hold another human being who has been zapped of all of his energy in the cold woods. It's nice to just focus on me and my husband. Keith and I went on some amazing hikes (with snowshoes and without) last winter. It was so memorable because we worked as a team and thoroughly enjoyed and appreciated our surroundings.

But back to the warmth. I cherish being warm and cozy and inside. The past five days have been enjoyable because we accomplished a lot in our home organization. Mother nature dumped around 8 inches of snow on our area the day before Thanksgiving. We visited my father on Thanksgiving and when we returned the next day, we decided to use this opportunity to clean. We focused on the inside of our home and our garage all to better utilize the small space that we have. We realize that if people in the city can live in small apartments with multiple children, we can do it in our 1,000 square foot house. The way to get better use of our space is to part with items we don't use.  We've been on a kick to minimize toys in the house: a few months ago I placed a whole bunch of toys that weren't getting played with into three Rubbermaid bins. Keith stored those in the garage attic.

 In the house. we have a great organization system of colored bins and fabric boxes, but we weren't actually keeping our toys separated or organized, so it felt messy and chaotic, not clean and organized. Any and all toys were thrown in whichever box was empty and the kids played with barely anything they had because nothing was in the same place. If you have small kids, then you know how multiple pieces comes with one measly toy set. So Friday I tackled the chaos and organized EVERYTHING. The way to keep the organization, of course, is to ensure that our youngest doesn't dump everything in her path, which she is prone to do lately. And if she does, to put it back that day. Otherwise, we get lazy and it winds up in whichever bin is available, and then the vicious cycle towards chaos begins. Keith also created four bins for each of us to store the winter accessories like hats and gloves and scarves that we use on a regular basis.

Yesterday, we reduced clutter in the entrance way of the house by removing coats and jackets and bags that weren't being used and by placing our shoe bench in our vestibule, which is an unheated room in between our garage and our house. Then, we cleaned out our garage of bulky, broken, or unused toys or other household items and placed them in the front of the house, where they are sure to be taken if the garbagemen don't take them first.

Today, we're just relaxing in the warmth our cozy, organized house has to offer.

Her cats

Bevin is in love with kiwi and Clem. If they won't stay on the bed to endure her love she crawls under the bed to find them. Thankfully kiwi is such a good sport and usually takes one for the team. 

Today || Volume 10

"I'll let Bevin be the leader."

Today || Volume 9

Today was a rough day. Bevin was up half the night, and that meant we were all up half the night. I had grand plans to go hiking and keith wanted to organize the house. But the morning started off slow because we were all tired, and it never quite gained momentum. We did our chores, the kids ate the entire morning and Keith and I were sitting on the couch drinking our caffeinated beverages wondering to ourselves the age old questions on our days "off" "what are we doing today?"

 Before we knew it it was time for bevin to nap. Lately she refuses to be put down for naps (meaning she will wake up the second you set her in the crib). Also? Her nap sucks the life out of our day because it is smack in the middle of the day- usually around 12 pm and sometimes ending around 2. Keith decided he needed a break and Cole really wanted some time alone with me, so we decided to divide and conquer. I took Cole on a hike and keith gave bevin her nap while catching a little extra sleep himself. 

Cole and I had a fun time hiking. He climbed some rocks, we played a little hide and seek and, because there was no cranky toddler dictating our every move,  I let him set the pace for the most part. 

Stopping in the middle of the trail to check things out is how Cole likes to hike. 

About to go "climbing"

It was an unusually warm Veteran's Day. In the sun it felt like it was in the low 60s. 

I took around 15 silly pictures first before he'd pose for this "normal" shot...

He really is such an awesome hiker. 

He was so excited to be the leader on the plank trail. 

The woods just have a way of bringing me peace of mind. 

A few hours after we got back home I managed to get a sunset light selfie. 

Balance

I am forever trying to find a balance between work and home. Between my husband and time to myself.  Between my kids and my students. We all know how difficult it is to juggle different roles during the course of a day. Even within my workday I wear different hats for different people.

 The trouble for me has always been my commute. I work so far from where my family lives. I've spent years resenting this fact. How dare they expect me to stay after work for a meeting- I live an hour away! How dare she wake up at 1:30 a.m! I have to wake up at 4!! Sometimes on bad days I still feel like I've wasted two hours sitting in the car when that could've been spent playing in the backyard with my kids or taking them on a spontaneous afternoon trip to Spring Farm, the kind I am famous for.

But most days now I get work done in the car. How is that? I plan a lot in my head. I strategize lessons, think about how I will couch a writing activity or how I will help them develop their thesis statements. It's strange because for the past seven years I spent my car rides listening to audio books because I always felt like I didn't have enough time to read for pleasure. Too much of my "free" time was spent grading and planning. But now with children, on the weekends there really is no time to plan or grade.  When I did, I'd give up chunks of my Saturday or Sunday to prepare for the upcoming week only to switch gears midweek and spend more time at work on planning and less on grading like I had originally intended. It felt like a royal waste of time.

But I realized this school year, pretty much by accident, that instead of listening to books I can listen to my favorite music (READ: Mumford & Sons, Lumineers and Passenger) I can get a lot of focused creative thinking done while driving. I also think about my lessons when I'm sitting in our recliner in the dark waiting for sleep to take over both of the kids. It's a way  I can keep myself from interacting with the kids (and thereby inadvertently waking them up) and it's the ONLY way I can keep from getting annoyed that I'm sitting in the dark yet again waiting for them to fall asleep. 

I have, by no means, found the perfect balance or the perfect solution to the working-mom-who-has-to-bring-her-work-home problem. I still have to grade sometimes on the weekends and if not then on weeknights when I'm completely and utterly exhausted from being up since 4 a.m.! But this is a step in the right direction and for that I am grateful.