It was nice not to worry about breathing through the contraction or dealing with the pain and discomfort in the middle of teaching a lesson.
But Friday is back to reality.
Which brings me back to the post title - we're all pretty irritable as of late.
Cole wants to be with me 24/7 when I'm home (that includes a random weekday I take off because I'm trying to give my uterus a rest). And when he's not with me he's very upset with Dada for keeping him from me or me from him. "I want YOU, Mama," is what he always says to me. And to Dada? "I want Mama, not you."
Dada is irritable because he turns into chopped liver whenever Mama is home and that's not a nice feeling for him.
Mama is irritable because I can't decide if I should take a few weeks off before my due date to take it easy and get ready. I only have a little bit of sick time and I really want to save that for AFTER the baby is born. I've been conflicted about this for a while. The other internal conflict I have is wanting to stay home for the rest of the school year with the baby (and Cole of course). I've talked about this before on this blog, but it still plagues me. It's what I've always wanted, but it will really be a huge financial hardship for our family. We're struggling to make ends meet right now, it would be harder than anything we've ever done. My main worry is that Dada will be constantly stressed about money, and I'll feel guilty and selfish as if I'm doing something wrong by staying home when all I really want to do is have that extra time with Baby Girl that I didn't get with Cole. I mean there is a reason why he wants to be with me every minute I am home - because I am gone for so many hours every week. With my commute and demands of my job I leave at 5:45 a.m. and usually don't get home until 4 p.m.! I just want someone to say - "you should stay home; it will work out." But really, I need to believe that myself. I need to be the one reassuring me and for some reason I have this horrible self-doubt that is causing me to be extremely indecisive. Why can't I just make a decision already and stick with it?!
I'll leave you with some happy photos taken in the past week.
The bump picture is my 34 week bump taken next to our bassinet that is now a holding place for random clothes, something we swore we'd never let happen. The Santa picture was taken outside our house when our neighborhood got its annual fire truck visit from Santa. Cole remarked later- "He didn't say 'Ho Ho Ho' or 'Merry Christmas!'" The picture on the floor is of Cole and I during my nightly breech tilt exercise. And the picture if Cole and the leaf is my favorite. Dada sent it to me on Tuesday while they were at the park having a really fun time chasing each other around). Apparently, the leaf was for me.
I really hope you can stay home. I have a similar work schedule as you in that I'm gone for 10-11 hours a day and I hate it immensely. I know how you feeling all fronts and I continue working so much since I'm also afraid of adding stress to Tom. But I can tell you that you will recover financially. It's temporary. When I was unemployed, it was scarey but we recovered. I know it's different for you since Keith is part time now, but maybe he'll get more weddings to make it work. Since you have the kind of job that allows a year off, I think you owe it to yourself and your kids to stay home. This will be your only chance probably ever
ReplyDeleteVery true. We have no more plans of any more children. THIS IS IT!
DeleteYou are looking so great! I am just beyond excited for you.
ReplyDeleteI have ZERO advice about how to make the decision to stay home. I'm not sure how hard it is to find work in your field in your area, but if there was an opportunity for you to take a year off and then re-evaluate - I would say go for it. Or you could somehow move to Canada in the next few weeks and find work so that you can get a year maternity leave.... Hmmm - we should have thought of this earlier...
I am actually just going to take the rest of the school year off and go back in September. I don't resign from my position, just take an unpaid leave. That is what is great about teaching. You can take an unpaid leave and still have A job when you are done (may not always be the job you once held). The max is two school years. And oh, how I have considered moving to Canada! Life just seems so much more FAIR there. But then again, the grass is always greener...
DeleteWhere there is a will, there is a way. When John started staying home, we had to come up with a plan. A cheaper cell plan, a less expensive cable package, more conscientious of the electricity we use. Maybe it means you use cloth diapers instead of disposables, find a way to work just a little at home. (You're a teacher! I would pay good money for you to tutor Evan for an hour a week if you were here!) You clip coupons, or combine more trips to save on expensive gas. You can figure it out.
ReplyDeleteCloth diapers - thank you for the idea! After I read your comment, Keith and I talked it over and decided that yes, we'd try it. My friend Allison has a whole used stash she's going to lend us. So excited! And yes, tutoring is something I've considered. I might be able to do it over the summer for kids whose parents don't want to send them to summer school. Keep your fingers crossed for me!
DeleteTutoring....genius!
ReplyDeleteRight???
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